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 Various Scriptures

INTRODUCTION: Jesus came not only to die for your sins, but also to help you with your problems. God offers you new life in Christ, and with his power you can change. Our message series is called, “Lord, I Have a Problem,” and in this series we are looking at how God helps you with your problems. Today we are talking about self-image. How does God help you with the various problems we encounter relating to self-image? (Read Ephesians 4:22-24 and pray.)

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WWe live in an age that seems to be preoccupied with self. We hear a lot about self-care, we take a lot of selfies, we even have a whole magazine called SELF. And we talk a lot about self-image.

Self-image goes by many terms: self-image, self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence, self-respect. Timothy Keller makes the observation: “Up until the twentieth century, traditional cultures (and this is still true of most cultures in the world) always believed that too high a view of yourself was the root cause of all the evil in the world…. But, in our modern culture, we have developed an utterly opposite cultural consensus.”

So, which is worse? Too high a view of self or too low a view? Well, they’re both wrong. We need instead to have an honest view of self—not too high, not too low, simply honest.

Last time we talked about the problem of pride, which is too high a view of self, but now we want to look at the flip side of that—the problem of poor self-image or low self-worth. Robert S. McGee in his book, The Search for Significance, identifies the following beliefs that indicate a person has problems with self-image. Do you ever say any of these about yourself?

   – God doesn’t really care about me.
   – I am an unlovable, worthless person.
   – Nobody will ever love me.
   – I’ll never be able to change.
   – I’ve been a failure all my life. I guess I’ll always be a failure.
   – If people really knew me, they wouldn’t like me.

A friend asked me to add another one to the list that she had to overcome: “My mother never loved me, so why should anyone else?”

I. The problem of self-image

So, let’s talk about the problem of self-image.

   A. Affects our view of self

First of all, and this should be obvious, our self-image affects our view of self. A poor view of self leads to so many problems in life. It can lead to emotional problems—such as feelings of inferiority, worthlessness or uselessness, feelings that somehow you just don’t measure up, fear of failure or lack of confidence. It can lead to physical problems like anorexia, bulimia, cutting, or the use of steroids.

The list of things we do to try and change our appearance seems endless. Our strategies range from tummy tucks and Botox, to tanning beds and tattoos, to hair dye and highlights, to orthodontics and dieting, to gym memberships and makeup. It’s not that all of these things are wrong. It’s good to care about your appearance, and it’s good to take care of your body. But when these things are motivated by a poor view of self, that’s when they can become a problem in your life.

   B. Affects our relationships with others

Secondly, our self-image affects our relationships with others. When we have a poor view of self, we often have trouble relating to other people. We spend our time either desperately looking for approval or withdrawing from others due to fear of rejection. Instead of entering into deep and authentic relationships, we can find ourselves collecting Facebook likes and posting selfies. We end up using people to boost our self-esteem rather than serving people to encourage them in the Lord. How often do we cut ourselves off from other people just because we do not feel good about ourselves?

   C. Affects our relationship with God (Isaiah 45:9; Romans 9:20)

And then ultimately our self-image affects our relationship with God. When you have a poor view of self, you will often have difficulty trusting God. You could even find yourself resenting him. You might say things like, “God, why didn’t you make me taller, or slimmer, or prettier or stronger?” If you’ve got curly hair, you say, “God, why didn’t you give my straight hair?” If you’ve got straight hair, you say, “God, why didn’t you give me curly hair?” “God, why did you put me in this family, in this school, in this town? Why didn’t you make me smarter, or more musical, or more athletic?”

Well, the Bible has something to say about that. We read in the book of Isaiah: “Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker … Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’” (Isa. 45:9). Romans 9 tells us: “Who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’” (Rom. 9:20).

Poor self-image is a problem because it affects our view of self, our relationships with others and our relationship with God.

II. Understanding self-image

Before we talk about dealing with poor self-image, I want to take some time to better understand this whole problem of self-image from a biblical standpoint. I want us to look at the false measures we use, the false mirrors we trust, and the true mirror of God’s word.

   A. The false measures we use:

Let’s begin with the false measures we use to gauge our self-worth.

      1) our appearance (Proverbs 16:31, 31:30)

First up, our appearance. So many of us use our appearance to measure self-worth, but that is a false measure. Proverbs 31:10 tells us: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” According to research by Dove Soaps, only two percent of thousands of women from ten countries around the world consider themselves beautiful. Only nine percent feel comfortable describing themselves as attractive. Six out of ten thought they’d “be happier if they were thinner.”

We are a people consumed with appearance, health and fitness. One year Rosi and I went to the Sony Ericsson tennis tournament where we found ourselves surrounded by athletes. Usually, athletes are spread out more in society so you don’t notice them as much, but here they were all concentrated in one area. It felt like you were some tiny, puny person walking around among demi-gods. If you measured your worth according to your appearance in that setting, most of us would probably conclude that we weren’t worth that much.

Our society holds up a standard of beauty and appearance that we can never attain. Much of it is communicated to us through photo-shopped pictures and images that are not even real themselves! Even the people in those images don’t really look like that! And even if they did, it is still a false measure.

And then there’s this: no matter how beautiful or handsome you are when you are younger, we all grow older. Ever noticed that? Does that mean we are somehow less valuable as we age? Absolutely not! The Bible says: “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life” (Prov. 16:31). If the gray in my hair were gold, I would be a wealthy man. But if I want to be biblical about it, I need to say, “Thank you Lord! You are building me a crown!” Our appearance is one false measure that we use to gauge our self-worth.

      2) our abilities (Psalm 147:10–11)

Another false measure is our abilities. How often do we measure our self-worth according to what we can or cannot do? And yet we read in Psalm 147: “[God’s] pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love” (Ps. 147:10–11). You may not be as talented or as skilled as you wish, but that does not make you less valuable. The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love. Your abilities are a false measure of worth.

      3) our accomplishments (2 Corinthians 10:12)

A third false measure is our accomplishments. Some people measure their worth by the degrees on their wall or the trophies on their shelf. Some people measure their worth by the number of cases won or their position on the leader board.

But these are all false measures of worth. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians: “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise” (2 Cor. 10:12). Whether your accomplishments are many or few, they are still a false measure of worth.

      4) our possessions (Psalm 16:2; Luke 12:15)

And then a final false measure is our possessions. Some people think the more they have, the more they are worth. And yet Jesus said: “A man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions” (Luke 12:15). That means you can lose it all—and many have—but your value as a person does not change. Your net worth has nothing to do with your personal worth. What really counts is your relationship with God. David said it so beautifully in Psalm 16: “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing” (Ps. 16:2).

   B. The false mirrors we trust:

So, those are some of the false measures we use to gauge our self-worth. Next, let’s look at some of the false mirrors we trust to determine our self-worth. These mirrors tell us all sorts of things about ourselves that are not necessarily true. It’s like looking at yourself in a carnival mirror and believing that’s what you really look like! The image is all distorted, and yet if that’s all you ever see, you might come to believe that it’s true.

      1) the mirror of our parents (Psalm 27:10)

One of the most influential mirrors in our life is the mirror of our parents. Our parents are the first and primary persons who shape our lives. It begins early when we are infants, when we are first building our sense of self-concept. Those shaping influences are strong, and many people continue to struggle with self-image as adults because of the hurtful ways their parents treated them when they were younger. Psalm 27:10 says: “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” Be careful you don’t let influences from your past determine your self-worth in the present.

Parents, you have a responsibility to raise your children in a loving and encouraging atmosphere. You also need to realize that the way you view yourself can have an impact on your children. Dove ran another project where they asked moms what they didn’t like about their bodies, and then separately they asked their daughters the same question. Not surprisingly, the daughters identified the exact same features as their moms did.

Our parents may be the primary influencers of our self-image, but they do not always give us an accurate picture of ourselves. We need to break free from the mirror of our parents’ approval and learn to see our true value in the Lord’s eyes instead.

      2) the mirror of other people (1 Thessalonians 2:6)

Another false mirror we trust is the mirror of other people. Too often we rely on how other people view us to form our self-image. But the approval of other people can never be a solid basis from which to determine your self-worth. As one person tweeted: “The hardest part about struggling with approval is the sincere belief that if enough people like you, you will feel loved” (Sammy Rhodes).

We need to develop the same freedom Paul had when he told the Thessalonians: “We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else” (1 Thess. 2:6). Robert McGee writes: “The man or woman who lives only for the love and attention of others is never satisfied—at least not for long. Despite our efforts, we will never find lasting, fulfilling peace if we must continually prove ourselves to others” (McGee; The Search for Significance)

Here’s a free tip for life. Don’t worry what people think, because most don’t! We need to stop looking at the false mirror of other people to determine our self-worth.

      3) the mirror on the wall (2 Corinthians 4:16)

And then another false mirror we trust is the actual mirror on the wall! Our body image—how we view ourselves physically—has a huge impact on our self-image. We joke about women spending too much time in front of the mirror, but guys, be honest, how many of you take a moment to flex in the mirror? How many of you check out your abs?

Interestingly, psychologist Seymour Fisher, the man who coined the term “body image,” observed that we do not perceive our own bodies accurately or the way other people do. Fisher writes: “Although an individual experiences his body more often and in far greater depth than he does any other object in his environment, his perceptions of this, his dearest possession, remain distorted throughout his life…. When the average person is called upon to describe or make judgments about his body, he displays considerable inaccuracy.”

And so, even in the actual mirror we tend to view our bodies inaccurately and usually in a negative direction. We’re like the spies in the Bible who after glimpsing the people of Canaan came back saying: “We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them” (Num. 13:33).

So, those are some of the false mirrors we use to form our self-image. Which of these false mirrors have you been using in your life?

   C. The true mirror of God’s Word:

We need to leave behind the false mirrors of this world and look into the true mirror of God’s word instead. When you do, you will find these four precious truths in God’s word.

      1) You are valuable (Genesis 1:27; Matthew 6:26)

Number one: You are valuable. The Bible says: “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27). Jesus said: “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matt. 6:26).

You are supremely valuable because you are created in God’s image. Or as it says on the kids’ poster I once saw: “I am somebody because God made me, and God don’t make no junk.” That’s the first thing you see when you look into the true mirror of God’s word. You are valuable.

      2) You are sinful (Romans 3:23)

Number two: You are sinful. Remember, we want to hold an honest view of ourselves—not too high, not too low. The Bible says: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). Yes, you are created in God’s image, but you were also born with a sinful nature that naturally rebels against God. You are valuable by creation, but you are also a sinner in need of a Savior.

      3) You are loved and forgiven (Jeremiah 31:3; Romans 8:1)

Number three: In Christ, you are loved and forgiven. God says in Jeremiah 31: “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jer. 31:3) Romans 8:1 tells us: “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Now, God loves you whether you are a believer or not. But when you come to Christ, you are also forgiven of all your sins. God created you in his image, and now through the Holy Spirit he is re-creating you in Christ’s image.

Satan would love to make you forget all that. Robert McGee points out: “Satan lies to unbelievers to convince them that they are not guilty while he lies to believers to convince them that they are guilty.” (McGee; The Search for Significance) The devil is a liar, but he’s good at it! He’s had a lot of practice. He switches strategies depending on whether you are a believer or a non-believer. If you are a believer, know that you are loved and forgiven in Christ.

      4) You are unique (1 Corinthians 12; Ephesians 2:10)

And then number four: You are unique. 1 Corinthians 12 talks about how each of us has a unique place in the body of Christ. Ephesians 2:10 says: “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” That word “workmanship” comes from the Greek word for poem. It means you are a beautiful creation of God, unique in your combination of gifts, designed personally by God for specific works he has already planned for you to do.

Do you know I have never met a non-beautiful person? Every Sunday morning, I witness a whole parade of beautiful people entering and then exiting this sanctuary as you head back into the world, I hope, to love and serve God and others.

III. Dealing with self-image

We have talked about the problem of self-image. We have looked at the Bible to better understand the whole issue of self-image. Let me close now by giving you eight truths from the Bible that will help you deal with this problem of self-image in your own life. Here we go!

   A. God created you (Psalm 119:73, 139:13-14)

Number one: God created you. Psalm 119 says: “Your hands made me and formed me” (Ps. 119:173). We read in Psalm 139: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps. 139:13-14).

You are valuable simply because God made you. June Hunt writes, “We don’t have to wonder about our self-worth when we see our God-given worth … when we see our God-given value … when we see ourselves through God’s eyes.” You are valuable first of all because God created you.

   B. God loves you (Ephesians 1:4-5)

Number two: God loves you. We read in Ephesians: “He chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will” (Eph. 1:4-5).

If you truly understood how much God loves you, you would overcome most of your self-image problems. Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes, “Our malady is not ‘low self-esteem’ … it is our low view of God. Our problem isn’t so much a ‘poor self-image’ as it is a ‘poor God-image.’ Our need is not to love ourselves more but to receive His incredible love for us” (DeMoss, Lies Women Believe, p. 71).

   C. God redeemed you (Ephesians 1:7-8)

Number three: God redeemed you. Continuing in Ephesians 1 we read: “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding” (Eph. 1:7-8). God not only created you and loves you—he redeemed you with the precious blood of Christ. That’s how valuable you are to him.

   D. God looks at the inside (1 Samuel 16:7; 1 Peter 3:3-4)

Number four: God looks at the inside. 1 Samuel 16:7 says: “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Sam. 16:7). 1 Peter 3 tells us: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment…. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Pet.3:3-4). God looks at your character. God looks at your heart. We spend a lot of time looking at the outside, but God looks at the inside

   E. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

Number five: Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. 1 Corinthians 6 says: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Cor.6:19–20). Even though God looks at the inside, you are still responsible to take care of the outside. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. You need to take care of your body. Yes, God looks at the inside, but he cares about the outside as well.

   F. Your body will be raised (Philippians 3:21)

Number six: Your body will be raised. God values your body so much that he has promised to raise you from the grave. Philippians 3 speaks about “… the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body” (Phil. 3:21) You are destined for glory. Your body will be raised new and glorious when Christ returns.

   G. Put on the new self now (Ephesians 4:22-24)

Number seven: Put on the new self now. Ephesians 4 says: “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Eph. 4:22-24).

You can’t just break old habits. You must replace them with new habits. You can’t just discard bad attitudes. You must replace them with good attitudes. You can’t just let go of false beliefs. You must replace them with true beliefs. You can’t just reform your old self. You must put on the new self which is created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

   H. Grow in the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)

And then finally, grow in the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Changing your life is too big a task to tackle on your own. That’s why Jesus said he would not leave us alone, but he would send a helper to help you make the changes you could never make on your own. As you grow in the fruit of the Holy Spirit, you will grow to be more like Jesus and more like the image of God as perfectly reflected in Christ.

CONCLUSION: Self-image affects your view of self, your relationships with others and your relationship with God. But if you are in Christ, you are a new creation—the old has gone, all things are become new. So, let us put off the old self, and let us walk in the freedom and newness of life that only Jesus provides.

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Some helpful resources for dealing with self-image:

The Biblical View of Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and Self-Image, by Jay E. Adams

The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness, by Timothy Keller

How to Handle Your Emotions: Anger, Depression, Fear, Grief, Rejection, Self-Worth, by June Hunt

The Imitation of Christ, by Thomas A. Kempis

Lies Woman Believe: and the Truth that Sets Them Free, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

One of a Kind: A Biblical View of Self-Acceptance, by M. Blaine Smith

Overcoming Negative Self-Image, Neil T. Anderson and Dave Park

The Search for Significance: Seeing Your True Worth through God’s Eyes, by Robert S. McGee

Self-Image: How to Overcome Inferiority Judgments, by Lou Priolo

True Beauty, by Carolyn Mahaney

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© Ray Fowler

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