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 Various Scriptures

INTRODUCTION: Our new message series is called, “Lord, I Have a Problem.” In this series we are looking at the various problems that we face and how God helps you with your problems through your new life in Jesus. Today we come to a very familiar problem—the problem of anger. This is something we all struggle with from time to time, some of us more than others. How does God help you with the problem of anger?

I. The Problem of Anger

The first thing we need to recognize is that anger is indeed a problem. The Bible says: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (James 1:19–20). You cannot be angry and live the righteous life that God desires.

Anger is an especially big problem because it is a gateway to so many other problems. It’s been said, “Anger is one letter short of danger,” and that’s a good warning to keep in mind. Anger can cause great damage not only in your life but in the lives of those around you.

Anger can cause relational problems—loss of marriage, loss of family, loss of friends. Anger can cause major life problems—loss of job, lawsuits, damage to property, harm to others; it can even lead to murder. Anger can cause emotional problems—if you are an angry person, that will affect you emotionally at every level. Anger can also cause physical problems—high blood pressure, heart disease, headaches, stomach problems, ulcers, colitis and insomnia have all been linked with unresolved anger.

Anger is particularly dangerous because it is self-reinforcing. When we get angry, we often get results—which sounds like a good thing, but it’s not. It simply means we are more likely to get angry again the next time around. Why? Because it works, at least in the short run. Anger is a short-cut that short-circuits whole relationships and true satisfaction in life. Neil Clark Warren puts it this way: “I get what I ask for but not what I want.” You get the immediate results that you are looking for, but you lose out on long-term fulfillment and joy.

It’s been said, “Either learn to control your anger or it will control you.” Trust me, you will be a much happier person if you learn to deal with anger in your life. Anger is a real problem, but remember this: Jesus came to help you with your problems.

II. Understanding Anger

So, what is anger anyways? Unless we understand anger and how it works, we will have a harder time dealing with the problem.

   A. Anger as a physical response (Proverbs 29:22)

The first thing we need to understand about anger is that it is an actual physical response. Proverbs 29:22 says: “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins” (Prov. 29:22). That phrase “hot-tempered one” translates a Hebrew phrase that means “owner of the heat.” It speaks of that hot flush you often feel coursing through your body when you get angry.

When you get angry, your body does some pretty amazing things. The nerve center in your hypothalamus activates your emergency system which constricts blood flow to your kidneys, intestines and skin. At the same time, your brain sends a signal to your adrenal glands to pump large doses of adrenaline and cortisol into your bloodstream. Your muscles tighten, your heart beats faster, and your blood pressure rises. The blood is directed away from your skin and toward your muscles in order to facilitate a “fight or flight” response (Neil Anderson; Getting Anger Under Control).

Why does your body do all this? To prepare you for action. Physically, it is the exact same response you experience when you are suddenly startled or confronted by danger. This is called “physiological preparedness.” It is an actual physical state that God uses to prepare you to defend yourself in times of danger. It’s a great response when you are confronted by a mother bear with her cubs, not so great when you find yourself yelling at the wife and kids.

   B. Anger as a secondary emotion

The second thing I want you to understand about anger is that anger is a secondary emotion. Anger is never primary; it is always a response to something else. Anger is a symptom, not the real problem. It’s like the warning light in your car. It’s God’s signal to you that something is wrong.

So, what are the various triggers that can set off our anger? It usually comes down to these main three: hurt, frustration and fear.

      1) hurt > ex. Cain (Genesis 4:5-6)

First of all, hurt. It could be physical hurt (I know I get angry when I am physically hurt), but it is more often emotional hurt or pain. When you feel rejected, betrayed, unappreciated, unloved or treated unfairly, you will often respond with anger.

We see a good example of this with Cain and Abel in the Bible. We read in Genesis 4: “The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast” (Gen. 4:4-5). Why did Cain get angry and murder his brother? Because his offering was not accepted. He felt the emotional pain of rejection, and he responded in anger.

      2) frustration > ex. Naaman (2 Kings 5:11–12)

A second trigger is that of frustration. When we run into unmet expectations or a loss of control, we often respond with anger. This is a huge one, because we face so many unmet expectations in life—expectations about our marriage, our kids, our job. And loss of control? Don’t even get me started! Do you know why you get so angry in a traffic jam? Because you have absolutely no control! You are stuck in traffic, you are going to be late, and there is nothing you can do about it! You’re frustrated, so you get angry.

A good biblical example of frustration leading to anger is the person Naaman. Naaman was a Syrian general who went to Elisha the prophet for healing. Elisha told him to go wash in the Jordan River. We read in 2 Kings: “But Naaman went away angry and said, ‘I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than any of the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?’ So he turned and went off in a rage.” (2 Kings 5:11-12)

What made Naaman angry? Unmet expectations! He expected Elisha to do one thing, and Elisha did another. Naaman was angry because Elisha didn’t do what he wanted him to do.

      3) fear > ex. King Saul (1 Samuel 18:7-12)

And then a third trigger is that of fear. When you are startled or feel threatened, you will often respond in anger. Remember, we saw earlier that the physical response of anger is identical to the physical response of fear. That’s why when someone startles you or yells “Boo!” you often get angry. It’s the same response.

A good example of fear leading to anger is King Saul in the Old Testament. When David killed Goliath, the women came out and danced in the streets. We read in 1 Samuel 18: “As they danced, they sang: ‘Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.’ Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him.… Saul was afraid of David, because the LORD was with David but had left Saul” (1 Sam. 18:7-12). Saul felt threatened by David, and he responded in anger.

Anger is a secondary emotion. So, when you are angry, you need to stop and ask yourself: “Why am I angry? What is the warning light trying to warn me about? Am I hurt, frustrated or afraid?” Once you understand that anger is a secondary emotion, you can begin dealing with the actual problem—whatever the primary emotion is that is setting you off.

   C. Righteous anger (Ephesians 4:26)

In coming to understand anger biblically, we must also understand the difference between righteous anger and sinful anger. Anger is not always wrong. Ephesians 4:26 says, “In your anger do not sin,” which means anger is not always sinful.

      1) God (Psalm 7:11; over 100 times!)

For example, God expresses righteous anger. We read in Psalm 7: “God is a righteous judge, a God who expresses his wrath every day” (Ps. 7:11). In fact, the Bible speaks over a hundred times of God’s anger. Obviously, God does not sin, and so anger is not sinful in and of itself.

      2) Moses, David (Exodus 32:19; 1 Samuel 17:26)

There are also a few (very few!) examples of people exhibiting righteous anger in the Bible. Moses demonstrated righteous anger over the people’s rebellion with the golden calf (Ex. 32:19). David demonstrated righteous anger when Goliath mocked the true God of Israel (1 Sam. 17:46).

      3) Jesus (Mark 3:5, 10:14, 11:15-17)

And then of course, there’s Jesus. Jesus demonstrated righteous anger with the Pharisees who didn’t want him to heal on the Sabbath (Mark 3:5). He demonstrated righteous anger with his disciples who were trying to stop the people from bringing their children to Jesus (Mark 10:14). And then of course, Jesus really demonstrated righteous anger when he cleared the temple and drove out the money-changers (Mark 11:15-17).

It’s okay to get angry when you get angry about the right things and in the right manner. Anger is righteous when it does good rather than harm. Here’s a good prayer you can pray: “Lord, let me be angry about the things that make you angry.” Thomas Secker said: “He that would be angry and sin not must not be angry with anything but sin.”

   D. Sinful anger (Proverbs 29:22)

If righteous anger does good rather than harm, then sinful anger does harm rather than good. Unfortunately, we have a lot more experience with sinful anger than righteous anger. Back to Proverbs 29:22: “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.”

There are three main types of sinful anger.

      1) explosive anger – quick flare/intimidation (Proverbs 29:11)

First, there is explosive anger. This is the short fuse or quick flare which expresses itself as intimidation. We read about it in Proverbs 29:11: “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Explosive anger is the most visible form of sinful anger.

      2) nurtured anger – slow burn/resentment (1 Kings 21:4)

Secondly, there is nurtured anger, otherwise known as the slow burn. Nurtured anger expresses itself as resentment. The person who nurses or nurtures their anger is usually marked by pouting, plotting, self-pity and generally just making other people miserable. We find a good example of this with King Ahab in the Old Testament when Naboth refused to sell him his vineyard: “So Ahab went home, sullen and angry because Naboth the Jezreelite had said, “I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers.” He lay on his bed sulking and refused to eat” (1 Kings 21:4). Nurtured anger may not be as obvious as explosive anger, but it is just as sinful and just as deadly.

      3) buried anger – time-bomb/denial (Proverbs 28:13)

And then finally there is buried anger, or what I like to call the ticking time-bomb. Buried anger expresses itself as denial. “I’m not angry. I’m not upset.” But you are angry, and unless you admit it, the ticking time-bomb is going to go off someday, and when it does, it will not be pretty.

None of us like to admit it when we’re angry, but denying it does not make it go away. Proverbs 28:13 says: “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Buried anger will always find a way out, if not as visible anger, then as depression, sarcasm or all kinds of passive aggressive behavior.

“An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins” (Prov. 29:22). We need to learn how to deal with our anger.

III. Dealing with anger
Which brings us to our third and final point this morning. How do we deal with anger? Three things here:

   A. How you express anger is a learned response

First, how you express anger is a learned response. Our sinful natures are quick to pick up on sinful patterns around us, and so if your only models on how to deal with anger are sinful ones, you will probably be expressing your anger in sinful ways. The good news is God can help you learn new ways of dealing with your anger.

   B. How you express anger is a chosen response (James 1:19)

Secondly, how you express anger is a chosen response. No one can make you angry. You can always choose not to be angry. Do you want me to prove it to you? Have you ever been in the middle of an angry tirade, when the phone suddenly rings and you answer so sweetly, “Hello, this is Ray, how can I help you?” You see, you can turn your anger off anytime you want to. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? We don’t want to.

James 1:19 says: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” That’s not just good advice. That’s a scriptural command. Proverbs 13:3 says: “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.” Proverbs 29:20 says: “Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

Be quick to listen and slow to speak. God gave you two ears and one mouth, so use them accordingly. Think before you speak, and when in doubt, don’t. You can always say something later, but you can never unspeak the words you have already said.

If you choose to be quick to listen and slow to speak, that will help you with the third part of the command, which is to be slow to anger. God is slow to anger. We read in Psalm 103:8: “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” Do you know how we know God is slow to anger? Because we’re all still here! That’s proof positive that God is slow to anger.

God is slow to anger, and we also should be slow to anger. Proverbs 19:11 says: “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” Ecclesiastes 7:9 says, “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”

   C. How to express anger as a godly response

We’ve looked at anger as a learned response. We’ve looked at anger as a chosen response. So finally, how do you express anger as a godly response? Let me give you five steps to follow in closing.

      1) Ask for God’s help (1 John 1:9)

First, ask for God’s help. 1 John 1:9 says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” You can’t fix this problem on your own. You need God’s help. Confess your sin to God and receive his forgiveness through Jesus Christ.

Also, confess it to others, to anyone who has been affected by your anger. As soon as you can, as soon as it’s happened, go to that person or persons and say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. The anger was my fault. I don’t blame it on anyone else. I own it. It’s mine. I’m sorry, and I will do better.” Do that every time. Do not let one instance of anger pass where you do not apologize to the people affected by your anger. And when you do that, you will get tired of doing that, and that’s actually going to help you with self-control, as you look to God to help you do better in the future.

And then remember the three triggers that can jump-start your anger—it’s usually either hurt, frustration or fear. So, ask God to heal your hurts. Stop trying to control everything and give God your frustrations. Let go of fear and learn to trust God instead. Ask for God’s help.

      2) Recognize early (Proverbs 17:27)

Number two, learn to recognize the warning signs early. Proverbs 17:27 says: “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” The Bible says there is power in knowledge and understanding. The more you understand how anger works in general and the more you understand how anger works in you, the more you understand your own triggers, the more you will learn to exercise restraint.

The sooner you recognize it is happening, the sooner you can do something about it. If you’re in a conversation and you feel that flush, you feel that heat begin to rise. Or if in your mind you suddenly picture yourself picking something up and throwing it across the room, there’s a reason you are picturing that. You don’t picture that when you’re in a good state of mind. That means your state of mind has been disrupted.

As soon notice the warning signs, hold up your hand and say, “Time out! I’m about to lose it! I am so sorry. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. Give me a moment to calm down. I’m not dodging the conversation, I will get back to you on this, but right now I need to take a break. I’m sorry. It’s my fault.” Then you take your break and you come back to talk about it later.

      3) Resolve quickly (Matt 5:23-26 ; Eph 4:26-27)

Number three, learn to resolve your anger quickly. The Bible says: “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:26–27). There’s an old Latin proverb based on this verse that says: “He who goes angry to bed has the devil for a bedfellow.” I don’t want to go to bed with the devil, and you don’t either.

When you get angry, don’t stay angry, but resolve it. Pray about it, talk it over with a friend, take a bath or go for a walk, but don’t let your anger build and burn. Take care of it before the sun goes down if you can. As Ray Pritchard says, “Talk it out, pray it out, walk it out—but don’t try to sleep it out. That won’t work.” Sometimes just telling the other person, “Look, I don’t want to be angry, let’s work this out,” is all it takes.

      4) Practice forgiveness (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Number four, practice forgiveness. God tells us in his word: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32). “Just because you got it off your chest doesn’t mean it’s not still in your heart” (Chip Ingram). Learn to say, “I’m sorry” when you’re the one who’s wrong. Practice forgiveness when the other person is wrong.

      5) The fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)

And then finally, ask God to develop the fruit of the Spirit in you. The fruit of the Spirit are those positive character traits God builds in you through the Holy Spirit that counteract and replace the negative character traits that are in you because of sin. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23). Almost every one of those will counteract anger in your life. It’s hard to be angry when you are practicing love. It’s hard to be angry when you are full of joy. It’s hard to be angry when you have peace, or when you’re being kind. It’s hard to be angry when you practice gentleness and self-control.

CONCLUSION: Jesus came to help you with your problems, and he can help you with the problem of anger. Ask for God’s help. Recognize anger early. Resolve anger quickly. Practice forgiveness. And ask God to develop the fruit of the Spirit in you.

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Some helpful resources for dealing with anger:

Anger, Anxiety and Fear: A Biblical Perspective, by Stuart Scott

Getting Anger under Control, by Neil T. Anderson and Rich Miller

How to Handle Your Emotions, by June Hunt

Make Anger Your Ally, by Neil Clark Warren

Overcoming Emotions that Destroy, by Chip Ingram and Dr. Becca Johnson

Respectable Sins, by Jerry Bridges

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© Ray Fowler

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