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2 Samuel 11-12

INTRODUCTION: [Note to parents: Today’s message contains sensitive material that may not be appropriate for children.] Our message series is called “Famous Mothers in the Bible,” and each year around Mother’s Day we work our way forward through the Bible focusing on various mothers in the Bible and what we can learn from them.

Today we come to Bathsheba, the wronged mother. I feel bad for Bathsheba. It seems she’s always getting a bad rap. She is often accused of seducing David, but the Bible never says that she did anything wrong in this incident. On the contrary all the blame is laid at David’s feet. I was glad to see that she is not featured in the book Bad Girls of the Bible, until I found out she has a chapter in the sequel to that book, called Really Bad Girls of the Bible. But, to the author’s credit, the chapter treats her with respect and recognizes that David was the one who did wrong to Bathsheba, not the other way around. (Read 2 Samuel 11:2-3 and pray.)

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So many women have been wronged in this world and in so many ways. It’s often been said, “It’s a man’s world,” but that’s not the way God created it. The Bible tells us in the beginning God created them male and female in his image and commissioned them together to rule over the earth. (Genesis 1:26-28)

Both men and women suffer the consequences of sin in this world, but women seem to bear the brunt of the damage. Child brides, abuse in the home, sex trafficking and refugees – the statistics show that in every category, it is most often the women who suffer.

Bathsheba is an example of a wronged mother. God calls us to honor and protect the women in our lives, and we will look at her story today to see the various ways that women are wronged in this world and what we can do to help minimize the damage.

I. Mistreated sexually (2 Samuel 11:2-5)

One way that women are wronged in this world is when they are mistreated sexually. And of course, this is where it all started with David and Bathsheba. Look at 2 Samuel 11:2-5:

One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, 3 and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “Isn’t this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” 4 Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home. 5 The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.” (2 Samuel 11:2-5)

Bathsheba was wronged by David when he mistreated her sexually. And we find a number of elements relating to sexual mistreatment in this passage.

   A. Subjected to the male gaze
      – Job 31:1; Matthew 5:27-28

First, she was subjected to the male gaze. There is nothing in the passage to suggest that David was looking for an opportunity to lust nor that Bathsheba was doing anything wrong. David was just up on the roof and happened to look down and see her bathing. The problem is that when the opportunity presented itself, David chose to give in to visual lust rather than honorably turning away.

This is probably the most common way women are wronged in the world every day. And it doesn’t just happen at the beach. Sometimes a woman can’t even walk down the street or go grocery shopping without being subjected to the male gaze. It’s so common that many women just brush it off and figure that’s just the way it is.

Well, it may be the way it is, but that doesn’t make it right. And men, we need to do better here. We need to follow the example of Job who said in Job 31:1: “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.” (Job 31:1) (Have you made a covenant with your eyes?) We need to remember the words of Jesus when he said in Matthew 5: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28)

No man has a visual right to a women’s body just because she happens to be in your field of vision. That’s the first way Bathsheba was sexually mistreated. She was subjected to the male gaze.

   B. Involved in sexual immorality
      – 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5; 1 Timothy 5:2

Another way that Bathsheba was mistreated sexually is she was involved in sexual immorality. David not only lusted after her with his eyes. He sent for her. He took advantage of her. He sent her home.

Every time you involve someone in sexual immorality, you are doing them wrong. Every time! No exceptions. We read in 1 Thessalonians 4: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality … and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5) God says every time you involve someone in sexual immorality, you have wronged them, and you have taken advantage of them.

Now this goes both ways, doesn’t it? Men wrong women in this matter, and women wrong men. But some people want to put all the responsibility on the woman. “Men can’t help themselves,” they say, “so it’s up to the woman to set the boundaries.”

I’m sorry, but that’s an unreasonable responsibility to put on the woman, and frankly, it’s a ridiculous excuse for the men. As men we are supposed to be the leaders in the relationship. Men, it’s your job to be a godly man, to lead the relationship in a godly manner, to honor and protect the woman under your care.

Paul writes to Timothy in 1 Timothy 5:2: “Treat older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” (1 Timothy 5:1-2) God tells you to treat the women around you as family relations with absolute purity. That’s the second way we mistreat women sexually – any time we involve them in sexual immorality.

   C. Forced into unwanted situations
      – Genesis 34:1-2; 2 Samuel 13:18-19

And then the third way that women are mistreated sexually is when they are forced into unwanted situations. Bathsheba didn’t have a whole lot of choice in the matter, did she? David was the king, and the power differential was such that consensual sex was not an option.

This is why sexual relationships between adults and younger persons, counselors and counselees, teachers and students, bosses and employees, pastors and parishioners or any situation where there is a power differential between the man and the woman are considered abuse and the person with less power in the relationship is considered the victim. When there is a power differential, it is not simply sexual immorality or an affair; it is abuse. We are going to look at the misuse of power as a whole other category in just a moment, but this was certainly a misuse of power on David’s part relating to Bathsheba.

Of course, the most horrific example of men wronging women sexually would be the situation of sexual assault or rape, and I am so sorry if any of you have experienced such a violation in your life.

I think of Dinah in the Bible We read her story in Genesis 34: “Now Dinah, the daughter Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the women of the land. 2 When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw her, he took her and violated her.” (Genesis 34:1-2) That’s not right. What a sad world we live in when it’s not always safe for a woman simply to take a walk down the street or in a park.

Of course, even sadder is that fact that the vast majority of rapes take place not between strangers but between people who know each other. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, in eight out of 10 cases of rape, the victim knows the person who sexually assaults them. (https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf)

And here I think of Tamar in the Bible. Tamar was tricked and forced into a sexual situation by her half-brother, Amnon. At first Amnon was obsessed with her, but then after he had his way, he hated her with intense hatred. In fact, the Bible says he hated her more than he had loved her, and he called for his servant to remove her from the room. (2 Samuel 13:15-17)

The nest verses are some of the saddest in the whole Bible. We read about Tamar in 2 Samuel 13:18-19: “She was wearing a richly ornamented robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. 19 Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.” (2 Samuel 13:18-19) Tamar in the Bible stands in for all women who have been mistreated sexually by being forced into unwanted situations.

Bathsheba was subjected to “the male gaze” as David lusted after her rather than honorably turning away. She was taken advantage of through sexual immorality. She was forced into an unwanted situation. 2Women throughout history have been wronged in all the same ways. Jesus treated all women with dignity and respect, and as men we are called to honor the women in our lives, treating older women as mothers and younger women as sisters with all purity. So, that’s the first way women are wronged in this world, when they are mistreated sexually.

II. Suffering the misuse of power (2 Samuel 11:14-17)

A second way women are wronged in this world is when they suffer the misuse of power. Because men generally have greater physical strength than women and historically have enjoyed greater power, many women throughout history have suffered the misuse of power by men, whether through physical or emotional abuse at home or being taken advantage of in the workplace.

David not only misused his power to sleep with Bathsheba. When he learned she was pregnant, he misused his power to try and cover things up. He sent for Uriah, her husband, from the battlefield and tried to get the two of them to sleep together. However, Uriah was an honorable man and refused to enjoy the comforts of home while his fellow soldiers were still camped in the open fields. And so, David misused his power even more. He had Uriah killed to try and cover his own sin. We read in 2 Samuel 11:14-17:

David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. 15 In it he wrote, “Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die.” 16 So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. 17 When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David’s army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died. (2 Samuel 11:14-17)

David had Uriah unknowingly carry his own death warrant back to Joab. Talk about misuse of power!

   A. We should use our power to help and serve others, not self
      – Mark 10:42-45

The Bible tells us we should use whatever power God has given us to help and serve others, not self. Jesus says in Mark 10:42-45: “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them…. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant…. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:42-45)

   B. Husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church
      – Ephesians 5:25-28; 1 Peter 3:7

When it comes to the home, the Bible tells us that husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church. We read in Ephesians: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word…. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:25-28)

We read in 1 Peter 3:7: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” (1 Peter 3:7) Men, you are to use whatever extra physical strength you may have to shelter and protect your wives, not misuse your power for selfish reasons.

David misused his power with Bathsheba, not only in sleeping with her, but in having her husband killed. That’s a second way women are wronged in this world, when they suffer the misuse of power by others.

III. Suffering the consequences of another’s sin (2 Samuel 12:13-14)

And then a third way women are wronged in this world is when they suffer the consequences of another’s sin. After David sinned with Bathsheba and had her husband killed, God sent his prophet Nathan to confront David with his sin. To David’s credit, he took responsibility for his actions. We read in 2 Samuel 12:

Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the Lord show utter contempt, the son born to you will die.” (2 Samuel 12:13-14)

The sin was David’s, and yet like so many women, Bathsheba suffered the consequences of another’s sin. First, she suffered the loss of her husband, and then of her child.

   A. The sins of husbands, children and fathers all weigh heavily on mothers
      – Genesis 3:16; Proverbs 10:1; Ephesians 6:4

So many women throughout history have suffered the consequences of other people’s sins. The sins of husbands, children and fathers all weigh heavily on mothers’ hearts.

In the book of Genesis we read God’s words to Eve after she and Adam sinned against God in the garden: “To the woman he said, ‘I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’” (Genesis 3:16) Now Eve was suffering for her own sin. But what about the rest of women throughout history? I am sure you would all be glad to do away with pain in childbirth. And then another part of the curse has to so with the relationship between husband and wife where men historically have ruled over their wives in unhealthy ways which God wants us to overcome in Christ. How many wives have suffered because of the ungodly decisions of their husbands?

And then mothers also suffer the consequences of their children’s sins. Proverbs 10:1 says: “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother.” (Proverbs 10:1) When a child strays, they not only bring grief to themselves but to their parents. How many mothers have suffered greatly because of the foolish or sinful decisions of their children?

And then of course, so many women have suffered the consequences of their fathers’ sins. We read in Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4) A father shapes his daughter in so many ways, and when a father is absent, distant or abusive, the daughter carries those emotional wounds with her for the rest of her life.

The songwriter John Mayer has a song called “Daughters,” where he makes this passionate plea in the chorus:

      Fathers be good to your daughters,
      Daughters will love like you do.
      Girls become lovers who turn into mothers,
      So mothers be good to your daughters too. (John Mayer, “Daughters”)

A third way women are wronged in this world is when they suffer the consequences of another’s sin. The sins of husbands, children and fathers all weigh heavily on mothers’ hearts.

   B. When we have wronged others, we should do what we can to make things right
      – 2 Samuel 12:24

The Bible tells us that when we have wronged others, we should do what we can to make things right. We read in 2 Samuel 12:24 after the child had died:

Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and lay with her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. (2 Samuel 12:24)

David comforted Bathsheba after the loss of their child. Of course, David was the one who caused her grief in the first place, but when you have done someone wrong, you should do what you can to make things right. This includes taking responsibility for your actions, confessing your sin, apologizing for what you have done, and comforting the person when you can. If we are going to be men of God, we need to apologize to the women in our lives whom we have hurt or wronged in any way.

CONCLUSION: And so, Bathsheba is an example of a wronged mother. She was mistreated sexually. She suffered the misuse of power. And she suffered the consequences for another’s sin. So many women have been wronged in all these same ways. If you have been wronged in any of these ways, please know that God loves you and wants to comfort you in your troubles and heal you from the hurts you have experienced.

In the meantime, we can all do our part to minimize the damage. In closing let me share four applications, four ways that we can minimize the damage to women and mothers in this world, four simple principles from God’s Word that if we only followed them, so much hurt and pain could be avoided.

   1) Children: honor your mother and father – First of all, children: honor your mother and father. It’s so basic, it’s part of the Ten Commandments, but so much of a mother’s pain comes from the sins of her children. “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother.” (Proverbs 10:1)

   2) Parents: raise your children in the love of the Lord – Secondly, parents: raise your children in the love of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) So much damage to our children takes place when they are young. An absent father or a critical mother can shape a child for a lifetime. So, “fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers who turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too.” (John Mayer, “Daughters”)

   3) Husbands: treat your wives with love and respect – Thirdly, husbands: treat your wives with love and respect. (1 Peter 3:7) Men, you usually have the physical advantage. Use your power to serve your wives rather than yourself.

   4) Everyone: treat older women as mothers and younger women as sisters in all purity – And then, finally, everyone: treat older women as mothers and younger women as sisters in all purity. (1 Timothy 5:2) Women are not sexual objects for men to enjoy. They are persons of dignity created in God’s image for whom Jesus died on the cross. And especially in the church, they are family. They are your mothers and your sisters, so treat them accordingly.

God calls us to honor and protect the women in our lives. And so, I pray that you will have compassion for the many women who have been wronged in so many ways in this world. I pray that you will repent of any ways you may have wronged the women in your life. I pray that you will commit to making things right from the past, and that you will commit with God’s help to honor and protect the women in your life from this time forward.

© Ray Fowler

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