In the Beginning
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Matthew 19:4-6
INTRODUCTION: Today we are beginning a new message series called “Foundations of Marriage.” Marriage is one of God’s good gifts to mankind, designed for our blessing and welfare. Marriage is foundational to society, and a good marriage is indeed a blessing to both husband and wife and to society as a whole.
Unfortunately, there seems to be a lot of confusion about marriage today, and so in this series we are going to go back and look at the very foundations of marriage: how it was formed, what does it mean, what challenges marriage faces, and how we as the church should respond to these challenges.
So, I want to give you a little bit of a road map. Over the next four weeks we will be looking at the following topics from God’s word:
- In the Beginning: Today we will look at the beginning of marriage and how it was founded.
- God and Marriage: Next week we will look at the theology of marriage. What does marriage have to do with God and how should that affect how we look at marriage?
- Challenges to Marriage: In week three we will look at some of the challenges to marriage, and how these challenges are chipping away at the foundations of marriage and God’s good design.
- 4) A Christian Response: Finally in week four we will take a look at a Christian response to homosexuality. This is an especially sensitive topic, and so we will take the final week to look at the issue of homosexuality and how it affects our view of marriage.
This is an extremely important series for each of us, for our church, and for our society at large. Let me encourage you to pray for this series, to pray for the church’s response to it, to pray for your own response to it, and ask God to use this series to strengthen the church to his glory and honor. (Read Matthew 19:4-6 and pray.)
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As we said earlier, there seems to be a lot of confusion about marriage today. People have questions. What is marriage? What does it look like? Whose idea was it? Who gets to define it? And so, today we want to go back to the beginning, back to the very foundations of marriage itself in order to answer these questions. A structure is only as strong as its foundations. If we are not sure of the foundations of marriage, then of course we will be confused about these other matters as well.
This is the approach Jesus took when the people asked him about marriage. We find Jesus’ approach in Matthew 19. Some Pharisees came to him to test him, and they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” They were asking about the nature of marriage as it relates to divorce. In response, Jesus pointed them back to the beginning, back to the very foundations of marriage as created by God himself.
Today I want to give you a biblical definition of marriage that comes directly from Jesus’ words on the subject:
“Marriage was: 1) created by God; 2) as a sacred, covenant relationship; 3) between a man and a woman; 4) based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness.”
Every word of this definition is important, and as we look more closely at Jesus’ words here in Matthew 19, you will see that this is indeed the biblical definition of marriage. So, let’s look at this definition in light of Jesus’ words together.
I. Marriage was created by God (Matthew 19:4a)
First of all, marriage was created by God. Jesus said: “Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’?” (Matt. 19:4).
A. Marriage is part of the created order
Marriage is part of the created order. In other words, marriage is not a human invention. We did not come up with the idea of marriage on our own. When you go back to Genesis, back to creation, back to the beginning, you find that God made marriage as part of the original created order.
Marriage is introduced in Genesis chapter one, and then we get an even more detailed explanation in Genesis chapter two. When Jesus was questioned about marriage, there were a lot of passages in the Old Testament he could have turned to. But he went straight to Genesis 1 and 2, straight to the creational passages of Scripture.
God created marriage for mankind, and he created mankind for marriage. Marriage is part of the created order.
B. Marriage was the first institution
Not only is marriage part of the created order, but marriage was also the very first institution God created. Jesus reminded the Pharisees in Matthew 19: “At the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female.’” Before God created the family, before God created government, before God created the church, God created marriage as the first institution of all.
As such marriage is the primary institution. Marriage forms the very building blocks of society. It is the very foundation of civilization. Once again, the structure is only as strong as its foundation, and so we need to make sure that we are building our society on a strong foundation.
For centuries, for millennia, marriage has been that foundation. When we get marriage right, marriage provides a stable foundation for human relationships, for sexual expression, for the raising of children and for the transfer of property and other economic necessities. Take away marriage, and you no longer have human civilization as we know it. You will have something else, but you will not have what God created for our benefit.
So that’s the first part of our definition. God created marriage. Marriage is part of the created order, and it is the first institution created by God.
II. Marriage is between a man and a woman (Matthew 19:4b)
The next part of our definition speaks of marriage being a sacred, covenant relationship, but we will look at that a little bit later when we get to verse 6. For right now I want to continue with verse 4 where Jesus teaches us that God created marriage as a relationship between a man and a woman. Look at Jesus’ words in verse 4 once again: “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’?” (Matt. 19:4).
And so, Jesus affirms that God creating us male and female is an essential part of the definition of marriage. In making this affirmation, Jesus was simply referring back to the creation accounts of Genesis 1 and 2.
A. Man and woman are created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27)
In Genesis 1 we read: “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27).
One of the precious truths of Scripture is that as human beings we are created in God’s image. This is a foundational truth that sets us apart from all the rest of creation. The earth and the sky are not created in God’s image. The land and the water are not created in God’s image. Vegetation is not created in God’s image. The sun, the moon and the stars are not created in God’s image. All the living creatures that swim in the sea or fly across the sky or move on the land— none of these are created in God’s image. Man and woman alone are created in God’s image to reflect God’s glory as we rule over all of creation.
Notice that it is not simply the man who is created in God’s image and not simply the woman. Every single human whether male or female is created in God’s image, but there is also a sense that it takes both together to fully reflect the image of God. We see that at the end of verse 27 where it says: “Male and female he created them.” We will look at this idea more deeply next week when we discuss God and marriage, but for now just realize that being male and female is an important part of God creating us in his image.
B. It was not good for the man to be alone (Genesis 2:18)
In Genesis 1 we learn that God created us male and female. In Genesis 2 we get a more detailed description of how God created us male and female: “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’” (Gen. 2:18). God created the man first, but it was not good for the man to be alone.
This pronouncement is in striking contrast to each of the days of creation recorded earlier in Genesis 1. On each of those days God reviewed his work at the end of the day and saw that it was good. Seven times in Genesis chapter one we get the repeated refrain: “And God saw that it was good.” Now, here in Genesis chapter two for the first time ever we hear God say, “It is not good.” It was not good for the man to be alone.
Why wasn’t it good for the man to be alone? Well, there are several reasons. First of all, there was the need for procreation. Unless God made a helper suitable for him, the man would not be able to reproduce and have children. The beginning of the human race would have also been the end of the human race. There was the need for procreation.
Secondly, there was the need for companionship. There were plenty of animals around, but the man had no one to talk to, no one to share his life with, no one who corresponded to him as another human being. He needed a companion.
Thirdly, there was the need for intimacy. God created the man as a sexual being not simply for procreation but also to enjoy the intimacy of relationship with a wife.
And then fourthly, there was the need for stability. God created human beings to spread out and rule over the whole earth to God’s glory. Society would need a stable foundation in order to fulfill this command. Marriage is that necessary foundation, and the man by himself could not provide that stability.
C. God made a suitable helper (Genesis 2:19-23)
It was not good for the man to be alone, and so God said, “I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18)—that is, a helper who would fulfill these needs for procreation, companionship, intimacy and stability.
Genesis 2 goes on to tell us how God made this suitable helper for the man. First of all, he led the man through a process of self-discovery. He brought all the animals to him to see what he would name them. And so, the man gave names to all the animals, but no suitable helper was found (Gen. 2:19-20).
Then God put the man into a deep sleep. While he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then he made a woman from the rib he had taken out of him, and he brought her to the man (Gen. 2:21-22). The man, fully awake now, proclaims: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man” (Gen.2:23).
I like what Matthew Henry says about this incident: “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved” (Matthew Henry).
God saw that the man was all alone, and so God created a woman for him—a suitable helper, one who would fulfill the needs for procreation, companionship, intimacy and stability. As Jesus said, to the Pharisees: “Haven’t you read … that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’?” (Matt. 19:4). Male and female are an essential part of the definition of marriage.
Now of course this runs counter to much of what our culture tells us about marriage today. The whole topic of homosexuality and gay marriage is an incredibly important subject in today’s world, which is why we will be devoting an entire message to it. The church and the culture have both made some terrible mistakes when it comes to homosexuality and marriage, and so we will take a whole message later in the series to examine a truly Christian response to homosexuality. But for now, just realize that Jesus affirmed marriage is between a man and a woman. Male and female are an essential part of the definition of marriage.
III. Marriage is based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness (Matthew 19:5)
The next part of our definition says that marriage is based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness. Look at verse 5 with me now where Jesus says: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Matt. 19:5). Jesus quotes from Genesis again here, specifically Genesis 2:24 which tells us there are three parts to this thing called marriage.
A. You will leave your father and mother
First of all, there is a leaving: “The man will leave his father and mother.” Of course, this applies to the woman too. For both husband and wife there is a leaving of their family of origin in order to form a new family unit. We still maintain strong ties of love, commitment and affection to our extended family members, but marriage creates a new family unit which now becomes our primary family unit.
Marriage entails a new loyalty which requires a leaving of father and mother. This new loyalty is expressed in the marriage vow where the man and the woman make a public vow of lifetime faithfulness.
B. Be united to your spouse
Secondly, there is a uniting: “The man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.” This uniting takes place in the sexual consummation of the marriage. The man and the woman make a public vow of lifetime faithfulness which is then consummated in the sexual relationship.
The word translated “united” here is a word that means “to cleave, to adhere, to be glued together.” The sexual relationship creates a strong bond between two people, which is why it is so painful when you break up with someone with whom you have had a sexual relationship. Think of two pieces of paper that have been glued together. You can’t tear those pieces of paper apart without doing damage to both. This is one of the reasons why God reserves the sexual relationship only for marriage, and why God designed the marriage relationship for life.
Notice also that the “leaving” comes before the “cleaving.” The marriage vow comes first, and then the sexual relationship. Sadly, our culture has it in reverse. Most people in our culture do the cleaving before the leaving. And that has had devastating consequences for marriage and our culture. We will talk more about that in week three of this series when we examine the challenges to marriage in our day and time.
C. The two become one flesh
Finally, we come to the result of the leaving and cleaving: “And the two will become one flesh.” The man and woman make a public vow of lifetime faithfulness. They consummate that vow in the sexual relationship. And the two become one flesh. They are a new couple. A new family has been born.
IV. Marriage is a sacred, covenant relationship (Matthew 19:6)
Let’s go back to our biblical definition of marriage one last time:
“Marriage was created by God as a sacred, covenant relationship between a man and a woman based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness.”
We skipped over the second part of this definition earlier but let’s take a closer look at it now: “marriage is a sacred, covenant relationship.” We see this in Jesus’ words in verse 6: “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matt. 19:6).
“What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Marriage is not simply a contract, a temporary agreement, or a relationship of convenience. It is a sacred, covenant relationship based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness. This covenant is made before God and sealed by God in heaven. When a man and woman come together in marriage, they are no longer two but one. We don’t do that. God does that. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.
CONCLUSION: As we said earlier, there is a lot of confusion about marriage today. And most of that confusion is because we as a culture have let go of the foundations of marriage as revealed in Scripture.
When Jesus was asked about marriage, what did he do? He went back to the beginning. He went back to creation, back to the definition of marriage as given by God himself. We will do well to do the same, because if you don’t get the foundation right, you won’t get the rest of it right either.
What is marriage? According to Jesus and the Bible:
“Marriage was created by God as a sacred, covenant relationship between a man and a woman based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness.”
That’s our foundation. Let us pray.
© Ray Fowler
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