Click here for more messages from the Foundations of Marriage series.
Click here to return to the Sermons page.

Various Scriptures

INTRODUCTION: Our message series is called “Foundations of Marriage,” and we are taking some time to look at this vitally important subject of marriage.

In week one of the series, we looked at the founding of marriage. Using Jesus’ words relating to marriage (Matt. 19:4-6), we went back to the beginning, back to the book of Genesis, and we were able to formulate the following biblical definition of marriage:

Biblical definition of marriage: Marriage was created by God as a sacred, covenant relationship between a man and a woman based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness. (see Matthew 19)

Then in week two we looked at the theology of marriage. What does God have to do with marriage, and what does marriage have to do with God? We saw that God designed marriage to be a picture of himself. 1) Marriage is a picture of God as Trinity. 2) Marriage is a picture of God and his people. 3) Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church.

So, we have looked at the founding of marriage, the theology of marriage, and now today we will look at the challenges to marriage. Notice we are not talking about the challenges of marriage or the challenges in marriage. There are plenty of those, and we have discussed them at other times. But today we are focusing on the challenges to marriage, those things that challenge marriage from the outside, those things that challenge the foundations and definition of marriage as given to us in Scripture. (Read Hebrews 13:4 and pray.)

———————————————————

MARRIAGE AND SEXUALITY ARE GOOD GIFTS OF GOD (Proverbs 5:18-19; 18:22)
   – Marriage was created by God

The first thing we need to establish before we look at any of these challenges to marriage is that marriage and sexuality are good gifts of God. In fact, that’s the first part of our biblical definition: “marriage was created by God.” Marriage and sexuality are good gifts of God.

Proverbs 18:22 says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). Proverbs 5 says: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love” (Prov. 5:18-19). In fact, there is an entire book of the Bible devoted to the topic of romantic and sexual love in marriage—the Song of Solomon.

It was God who created man male and female. It was God who saw that it was not good for the man to be alone. It was God who brought the woman to the man and united them in marriage. God is not embarrassed by marriage or sex, because marriage and sex are God’s idea. He created them, and the Bible celebrates them. Marriage and sexuality are good gifts of God.

It’s important that we start here, because whenever we talk about these challenges to marriage, it seems people accuse God or the church or Christianity of interfering with people’s lives or wanting to take all their fun away. And whenever I hear someone say that, I just want to say, “Timeout!” Marriage and sex are God’s ideas. God wants you to have a fulfilling, intimate relationship with your spouse. He’s not trying to take away anyone’s fun. He is trying to protect you from those things that will hurt you and damage your relationships with others.

These challenges we will talk about today came after marriage. Marriage came first. These challenges are all specific ways that our culture is chipping away at the foundations of marriage. Hebrews 13 says that “Marriage should be honored by all” (Heb. 13:4). And so, as Christians who love God and who love people, we need to speak up about those things that dishonor God’s good gift of marriage. Marriage and sexuality are good gifts of God.

So, what are these challenges to marriage that we face today? There are five of them in particular: 1) the challenge of premarital sex, 2) the challenge of homosexuality, 3) the challenge of living together, 4) the challenge of divorce, and 5) the challenge of adultery. We will see that each one of these presents a very specific challenge to the biblical definition of marriage as found in the words of Christ in Matthew 19.
 

FIVE MAJOR CHALLENGES TO MARRIAGE TODAY

1) The challenge of premarital sex (1 Thessalonians 4:1-4)
   – a challenge to marriage as a sacred, covenant relationship

So, let’s look at the first one: the challenge of premarital sex. Looking back at our definition of marriage, we can see that having sex before marriage is a challenge to marriage as a sacred, covenant relationship.

The word “sacred” means “something that has been set apart for a purpose.” Sex is sacred because God has set apart the sexual relationship for marriage and for marriage alone. When God says that the marriage bed should be kept pure, he is talking about the sexual relationship within marriage. And so, in marriage the sexual relationship is pure and holy and good. But sexual relations outside of marriage are displeasing to God.

We read in 1 Thessalonians 4: “Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God…. for you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable” (1 Thess. 4:1-4).

Paul is giving instructions on how to live in order to please God. And one of his primary instructions is to avoid sexual immorality. The word translated “sexual immorality” here is a general word for any sexual activity outside of marriage. The message is clear. You cannot engage in sexual relations outside of marriage and please God. You can’t do both. It’s one or the other. Take your choice.

Now of course, this is a huge challenge to marriage in our culture today. Sex before marriage is not only accepted by our culture; it is expected. The ones who wait for marriage are seen as strange or old-fashioned or out of step with the times. But the truth is that those who do not wait for marriage are out of step with God’s word and his will for their lives.

By removing sex from marriage, we have birthed a culture of broken relationships, debilitating diseases, and thousands upon thousands of children born into the world without a stable father and mother to take care of them. Sex in marriage is like a fire in the fireplace that provides warmth, comfort, safety and stability to the home. But when you take the fire out of the fireplace, it causes untold damage and hurt.

Why is premarital sex wrong? Premarital sex is a challenge to marriage as a sacred, covenant relationship. It removes sex from the marriage relationship where it belongs.

2) The challenge of homosexuality (Matthew 19:4-5)
   – a challenge to marriage as between a man and a woman

A second challenge to marriage in today’s world is the challenge of homosexuality. Homosexuality challenges marriage in the second part of the definition: “Marriage was created by God as a sacred, covenant relationship between a man and a woman.”

When Jesus was asked about marriage, he pointed his listeners back to the beginning, back to creation when God first created man: “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?” (Matt. 19:4-5).

Jesus says the reason God created us male and female was for marriage. The Creator made them male and female, and for this reason a man will be united to wife. God created them male and female for the reason of marriage.

Now there are a lot of questions about homosexuality today, especially as it relates to marriage. Our culture is confused on this issue, and the church seems to be confused, too. It is such an important discussion that we will devote an entire message to it next week as we explore “A Christian Response to Homosexuality.” I encourage you to be here for next week’s message and to bring a friend. I promise you that I will present this subject delicately and respectfully and give you good biblical tools for understanding how to respond to your homosexual friends, co-workers and family members.

3) The challenge of living together (Hebrews 13:4)
   – a challenge to marriage as a public vow

A third challenge to marriage in today’s world is the challenge of cohabitation or living together. Living together challenges marriage in the third part of the definition: “Marriage was created by God as a sacred covenant, relationship between a man and a woman based on a public vow.”

Marriage is not a private agreement between two people. Marriage is a public, legal relationship that takes place within the community. Even the first marriage of Adam and Eve was witnessed and sanctioned by God— who was the only public around at the time!

Once again, Hebrews 13:4 says: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Heb. 13:4). Living together dishonors marriage and the marriage bed, because living together tries to enjoy the benefits of marriage while avoiding the commitment of marriage. I say “tries,” because the commitment part really is the major benefit of marriage. It is the security of commitment which allows a relationship to grow in intimacy and depth. Living together can never provide the stability and security that marriage provides, because it lacks the commitment which is necessary for the relationship to reach its full potential.

Sadly, like premarital sex, living together is not only accepted in today’s culture, but it seems almost expected. Many people see it as a necessary step on the way to marriage. Others live together out of convenience or for financial reasons. Many seniors live together to avoid issues with merging their estates. Some people who live together think they are married in God’s sight. But without that public vow of commitment, it is not a marriage.

Some people think that living together before marriage will increase their chances for marital success. But the statistics show otherwise. More than eight out of ten couples who live together—that’s 80 percent—will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce. About 45 percent of those who begin cohabiting, do not marry. Another 5-10 percent continue living together and do not marry. Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not. Only 12 percent of couples who began their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more. Statistically speaking, living together is not a trial of marriage, but rather a training for divorce.

The statistics relating to the children of people who live together are also striking. Children of cohabiting parents are ten times more likely to be sexually abused by a stepparent than by a parent. Children of cohabiting parents are three times as likely to be expelled from school or to get pregnant as teenagers than children from an intact home with married parents. Children of cohabiting parents are five times more apt to live in poverty, and 22 times more likely to be incarcerated.

Living together is a huge challenge to marriage and family in our culture, and as Christians we need to heed God’s word: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Heb. 13:4). Marriage was created by God as a sacred covenant, relationship between a man and a woman based on a public vow.

4) The challenge of divorce (Matthew 5:31-32, 19:6)
   – a challenge to marriage as a lifetime commitment

There are two parts to the marriage vow: lifetime commitment and sexual faithfulness. The last two challenges we will look at this morning are divorce and adultery. Divorce and adultery are both challenges to marriage because each of them breaks one of those two parts. Let’s look at divorce first. Divorce is a challenge to marriage as a lifetime commitment.

Jesus said in Matthew 5: “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery” (Matt. 5:31-32). What is Jesus saying here? That a divorce on paper is not necessarily divorce in God’s eyes.

When two people get married, they are not joined together by the state; rather, they are joined together by God. Jesus said: “What God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matt. 19:6). Just because you go through a divorce proceeding does not necessarily mean you are now unmarried in God’s sight. That’s why Jesus says if either one remarries following the divorce, they have committed adultery. They are still married in God’s eyes, and so entering into that new marriage is an act of adultery against the former spouse. The Bible does allow for divorce in cases of adultery, but even then, a couple should always work first towards forgiveness and reconciliation.

Too many people enter marriage with the thought, “If it doesn’t work out, we can always get a divorce.” We need to enter marriage with a very different mindset: “Divorce is not an option, so if it’s not working, we will work it out. We will get past the problems, and we will make it work.” Too many marriages end simply because the couple is not willing to work out their problems together. They think divorce is the easy route, but let me assure you, divorce is never easy.

Now once again, there are no perfect marriages. Some of us have serious problems in our marriages. And if you or your children are in an abusive situation, you need to get out, not necessarily divorce, but you need to remove yourself from the abusive situation immediately.

I know the hurt and emotional suffering that can take place when a marriage goes off track. But I firmly believe that when two people choose to put Christ first in their marriage and work out those problems under Christ’s care, there is no need for divorce. God is so much bigger than that. However, it takes both of you working together, both of you putting Christ first, and both of you putting each other before yourselves in order for that to happen.

Jesus said: “What God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matt. 19:6). Divorce is a challenge to the lifetime part of the marriage vow. Marriage is based on a vow of lifetime faithfulness.

5) The challenge of adultery (Exodus 20:14; Matthew 5:27-30)
   – a challenge to marriage as sexual faithfulness

That brings us to our fifth and final challenge to marriage this morning: the challenge of adultery. Once again, there are two parts to the marriage vow: lifetime commitment and sexual faithfulness. Adultery is a challenge to sexual faithfulness in marriage.

The command against adultery goes way back. It is one of the Ten Commandments (Ex. 20:14). Adultery strikes at the very heart of the marriage vow between a man and a woman. It is such a serious breach that even God allows divorce following adultery. That enough should give pause to anyone contemplating an adulterous affair.

Sadly, adultery is rampant in our culture. It all starts innocently enough. You strike up a conversation with someone at work or the gym or on Facebook. Maybe things aren’t quite right at home, and it’s nice to have a person to talk to. And slowly you get drawn into the relationship.

You need to guard your boundaries carefully. And you need to make sure you keep the fire burning at home. Adultery looks tempting on the outside, but it will destroy your marriage and your family. And it will have a lasting, negative impact on your children and grandchildren.

Where do you draw the line? Jesus said in Matthew 5: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:27-28).

No one ever committed physical adultery without first committing adultery in the heart. No one ever committed physical adultery without going there in their heart or mind first. So, where do you draw the line? You draw it in your heart and in your mind. Guard your heart; guard your mind. When your mind goes there, bring it back. Confess it as sin before God, and commit to finding sexual satisfaction with your spouse and your spouse alone. Adultery is a challenge to sexual faithfulness in marriage.

CONCLUSION: NNow once again, if we left our message here, we would all walk out of this place discouraged, beat down and defeated, because we have all fallen so far short of God’s standards in these areas (Rom. 3:23).

But remember, this is why Jesus came. This is why Jesus died. “The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 6:23). Jesus offers you forgiveness and cleansing from all sin. You just need to come to him in faith. Confess your sin to him and receive his forgiveness.

As we said at the beginning of the message today, marriage and sexuality are good gifts of God. Marriage and sex are God’s ideas, and when we follow God’s plan, they work for our benefit. Unfortunately, our culture has largely abandoned God’s plan and so we face these five challenges to marriage.

There is so much confusion about marriage in the world today, and as a church we have an important responsibility to teach God’s truth on this matter and to show God’s way. So, I pray you will take these messages to heart, that you will seek to live out God’s standards, and that you will help share these truths with the people God has placed in your life.

© Ray Fowler

You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this message provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and that you do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For any web postings, please link to the sermon directly at this website.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copies:
By Ray Fowler. © Ray Fowler. Website: https://www.rayfowler.org

Click here for more messages from the Foundations of Marriage series.
Click here to return to the Sermons page.