Here is what I FEEL as this day starts out. Sad beyond sad that she isn’t here, angry and mad that this had to happen, confused and bewildered that it had to involve Maria’s big brother that absolutely adored her, paralyzing fear that I won’t be able to pull through the pain and be able to completely let her go…because she wasn’t mine to begin with, and speechless to know how to grieve my baby girl who gave me soooo much laughter and joy and then turn around and hold tightly to the young man who is walking through this tragedy at 18 years old…Maria’s buddy, Will, (the bravest young man I know!), and at my darkest place, I wonder…God, where are you and why in the world would you choose us to walk this out…It isn’t fair!
And then, all of a sudden, I hear this other voice in my head that reminds me over and over again of not what I FEEL, but what I KNOW…It might on certain days be buried deep down in my heart and have a hard time computing to my brain, but here is what I know and what I choose to believe, over and over again…even when it is really just a bad day! I know God loves me and my family, I know God is sovereign and He knows what is best for us, I know He has our days numbered and makes NO mistakes, I know that He will bring beauty from ashes…He has too…that is what I cling to in order to make it through another 24 hours.
HT: Tim Challies