Ten Steven Wright Jokes (4)

  1. I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went “Aaaaahhhh …”
  2. I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is. Every once in a while I’ll be listening to the radio and I say, “I think I might have written that.”
  3. Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
  4. I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time.” So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
  5. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
  6. I got a garage door opener. It can’t close. Just open.
  7. I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
  8. I installed a skylight in my apartment … The people who live above me are furious!
  9. I had to stop driving my car for a while … the tires got dizzy.
  10. I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

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