Ten Steven Wright Jokes (3)

  1. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  2. I went to a fancy French restaurant called “Deja Vu.” The headwaiter said, “Don’t I know you?”
  3. I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He said, “Yes, but not in a row.”
  4. Borrow money from pessimists. They don’t expect it back.
  5. I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
  6. I have an answering machine in my car. It says, “I’m home now. But leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.”
  7. I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
  8. Half the people you know are below average.
  9. I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. So I had to buy them again.

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