Ten Steven Wright Jokes (1)

  1. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
  2. I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
  3. What’s another word for Thesaurus?
  4. I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
  5. Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, “What for?”
  6. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
  7. When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
  8. “So, do you live around here often?”
  9. I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn’t have to go so fast.
  10. I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it’s going to be up all night.

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