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Matthew 19:1-12 (Marriage and divorce)

INTRODUCTION: Our message series is called “Jesus, the Master Teacher,” and we are looking at a series of Jesus’ teachings from Matthew 18-20. Today’s teaching has to do with marriage, divorce and singleness. I know divorce is a difficult subject for many of us. And so, I just want you to note where this teaching falls in the gospel of Matthew – right after the passage we just looked at on unlimited forgiveness.

We said last week that God offers unlimited forgiveness, and so should we. So, if you have divorce in your past or you are going through a difficult time in your marriage right now, please know God loves you and wants to help you. Jesus died on the cross for all our sins, and he offers forgiveness and new life to everyone who puts their trust in him. God’s grace is greater than all our sin, which means we can bring him all of our troubles, all of our problems, all of our failures, all of our sins. God is there, God cares and he forgives. (Read Matthew 19:4-6 and pray.)

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If you had to give a talk on marriage, divorce and singleness, what would you say? What if you were told you had less than a minute? You have to give a T.E.D. talk on marriage, divorce and singleness and you have a time limit of one minute. What do you say?

In today’s passage Jesus covered all three topics. You can read his words in under a minute, and yet he spoke with such clarity, truth and authority that people are still studying his words today. It’s no wonder we call him the Master Teacher!

The occasion: a question about divorce (1-3)

We have seen that the teachings of Jesus in these chapters were prompted by specific occasions. Jesus taught in response to various questions that people posed to him along the way. The occasion for today’s series of teachings comes from a question about divorce. Look at verses 1-3 with me:

When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. 3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” (Matthew 19:1-3)

So, Jesus leaves Galilee and enters the region of Judea moving ever closer to the city of Jerusalem. This officially ends the time of his ministry in Galilee, and Jesus won’t return to Galilee until after his resurrection. Large crowds follow him, and Jesus continues his healing ministry.

And while he is in Judea a new occasion for teaching arises. Matthew tells us some Pharisees came to him to test him, asking: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” The fact that they came to test him tells us they were not sincere in their questioning. They were seeking to trap him in his words, hoping to use his words against him. Jesus responds by teaching – first about marriage, then about divorce, and then about singleness.

I. Jesus teaches about marriage (4-6)

So, let’s look at Jesus’ teaching about marriage first. Look at verses 4-6 with me:

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6)

Notice Jesus doesn’t fall into their trap. Instead of getting into a debate with them about the various reasons for divorce, Jesus responds by teaching them God’s original design for marriage. And in doing so he gives us a biblical definition of marriage.

What is marriage? “Marriage was created by God as a sacred, covenant relationship between a man and a woman based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness.” There are four parts to this definition, so let’s look each in light of Jesus’ words in here in Matthew 19.

   A. Marriage was created by God (4)
      – Genesis 1:27

First of all, marriage was created by God. Jesus says in Matthew 19:4: “Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female?’” (Matthew 19:4) Jesus is quoting from Genesis 1:27 which tells us that God is the one who created marriage. If we’re going to talk rightly about marriage and divorce, we must start here. God created marriage, so he gets to make the rules. He is the only one who can tell us what marriage is and how it is supposed to work. So, that’s the first part of our definition. Marriage was created by God.

   B. Marriage is a sacred, covenant relationship (5)
      – Ephesians 5:32

Secondly, marriage is a sacred, covenant relationship. That’s what Jesus says in verse 5: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Matthew 19:5) In marriage a new relationship is formed. The man and woman leave their respective families and form a new family. It is God who joins them together as one flesh. There is no marriage without God’s involvement.

The New Testament goes on to talk about marriage as a picture of Christ and the church. In Ephesians 5 Paul explains how the husband-wife relationship reflects the relationship between Jesus and the church. He even quotes the same verse from Genesis that Jesus did about the two becoming one flesh. And then he says in verse 32: “This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:32)

In other words, it’s not that Christ and the church are a picture of marriage. It’s the other way around. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. There is no more sacred relationship than the covenant relationship between Christ and his church. Human marriage is also sacred because it is a picture of this relationship.
Marriage is a relationship where God joins the man and the woman together as one flesh, and marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. That’s the second part of our definition. Marriage is a sacred, covenant relationship.

   C. Marriage is between a man and a woman (4,5)
      – Genesis 1:27, 2:24

Thirdly, marriage is between a man and a woman. Here in Matthew 19 Jesus points us back to two Scriptures in the book of Genesis. Genesis is the book of beginnings. It is the book of foundations. And one of the foundational principles of marriage is that it is between a man and a woman.

First, Jesus points us back to Genesis 1:27 which says: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27) Jesus then also points us back to Genesis 2:24 which records the first man and woman coming together in marriage: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

Marriage is between a man and a woman. I know that’s not a popular part of the definition of marriage in today’s society, but it is part of the biblical definition of marriage, and it is part of Jesus’ teaching on marriage here in Matthew 19.

   D. Marriage is based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness (6)
      – Malachi 2:14-16

Finally, marriage is based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness. Jesus says in Matthew 19:6: “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19:6) This brings us to the heart of marriage, which is the public vow of lifetime faithfulness between a man and a woman.

The marriage covenant is based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness, and so there are actually two ways to break the marriage vow. The first is adultery, which Jesus will speak about in verse 9. The other is divorce. Adultery breaks the covenant of sexual faithfulness. Divorce breaks the covenant of lifetime commitment.

We read about the importance of lifetime commitment in the Old Testament book of Malachi. The prophet Malachi tells the people: “The LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the LORD made them one?… So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. ‘I hate divorce,’… says the LORD Almighty.” (Malachi 2:14-16)

Notice that he calls divorce “breaking faith.” Why are you breaking faith in divorce? Because you are breaking the covenant of lifetime faithfulness. This lifetime aspect is emphasized even more when he talks about breaking faith “with the wife of your youth.” Now some of us get married older than others, but whenever you marry, that’s the wife of your youth. In other words, you are supposed to keep this covenant of marriage for a lifetime. That’s what marriage is. The vow is “until death do us part,” not “until divorce do us part.”
So, Jesus gives us a biblical definition of marriage here in Matthew 19. What is marriage? “Marriage was created by God as a sacred, covenant relationship between a man and a woman based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness.” Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.

II. Jesus teaches about divorce (7-9)

This leads us to the Pharisees’ second question which leads to Jesus’ teaching about divorce.

   A. Why is their divorce in the Old Testament? (7-8)

Their question for Jesus is basically this: if marriage was created by God as a sacred, covenant relationship between a man and a woman based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness, then why is their divorce in the Old Testament? Let’s look at verses 7-8 together now:

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” 8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” (Matthew 19:7-8)

The Pharisees are referring to Moses’ instructions about divorce in the book of Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). In Old Testament times, the woman was the vulnerable party in the divorce. First of all, the woman couldn’t divorce her husband; only the husband could divorce his wife. And once the woman was divorced, there was the question of how she was going to support herself. And so, God gave certain instructions in the Old Testament in order to protect the woman and preserve her rights in society. But this does not mean that God approved of divorce or was endorsing divorce in any way.

      1) permitted (i.e. regulated) due to hardness of heart

Jesus tells the Pharisees: “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.” Divorce was permitted or regulated in the Old Testament due to hardness of heart. The divorce certificate was needed to protect the woman and preserve her rights so she could remarry and be supported by a husband.

      2) not part of God’s original design

“But,” Jesus says, “it was not this way from the beginning.” In other words, it was not part of God’s original design. Why is their divorce in the Old Testament? It was permitted or regulated due to hardness of heart – hardness of heart towards God, hardness of heart towards one’s spouse. But it was not part of God’s original design.

   B. You can be divorced and still married in God’s eyes (9)

This leads us to the second part of Jesus’ teaching on divorce which is that you can be divorced here on earth and still married in God’s eyes. Look at verse 9 with me now where Jesus says:

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)

How is it that a person who remarries after divorce commits adultery? There is only one reason – because they are still married to their first spouse in God’s eyes. You can be divorced in the eyes of the law; you can have a divorce certificate – signed, sealed and notarized that says to the whole world that you’re divorced – and you can still be married in God’s eyes.

Why is that? Because only God can separate what he has joined. The state does not join you in marriage. God joins you in marriage. The state only affirms what God has done. The state does not join you in marriage, and therefore the state does not have the authority to uncouple you from marriage. Only God can separate what he has joined. Once again, God created marriage, and so he gets to make the rules. Only God can decide who is married and who is not.

So, in this case – when you are divorced in the eyes of the state but still married in God’s eyes – in this case remarriage would constitute adultery. Why? Because you are still married to your original husband or wife.

Jesus does provide an exception here. He says except in cases of adultery. Remember there are two ways to break the marriage covenant. One is by adultery, and the other is divorce. The Pharisees asked Jesus about easy divorce, divorce for any and every reason. Jesus replied, “No, only one reason.” Jesus says if you divorce your wife for any reason other than marital unfaithfulness and marry someone else, you commit adultery. Why? Because God did not authorize that divorce. You are still married in God’s eyes.

III. Jesus teaches about singleness (10-12)

And so, Jesus has taught about marriage. He has taught about divorce. Finally, Jesus goes on to teach about singleness. Look at verses 10-12:

The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” (Matthew 19:10-12)

   A. The disciples: “Then it’s better not to marry! (10)

So far, the Pharisees have been asking the questions. Now it’s the disciples’ turn. And they have a very negative view on things. They respond to Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce by saying then it’s better not to marry! This prompts Jesus’ final teaching in this section about singleness. He uses the term “eunuch” throughout this section to represent someone who remains single rather than marries.

   B. Jesus lists various reasons for singleness (12)

Jesus begins by saying not everyone can accept this word but only to those to whom it has been given. And then he lists various reasons for singleness.

      1) Some are born that way

First, he says some are born that way. Here he is talking about those with a physical disability at birth that prevents them from engaging in sexual relations.

      2) Some were made that way

Next, he says some were made that way. Here he is talking about actual eunuchs, men who were castrated for various reasons before being put into service for the king.

      3) Some chose that way for God

And then thirdly, he says some chose that way for God. These are those who intentionally choose singleness over marriage in order to better serve God and his kingdom.

   C. Marriage and singleness are both gifts from God (11,12)
      – 1 Corinthians 7:1-2, 6-7

The important thing to note here is that, unlike the disciples, Jesus takes a positive view of both marriage and singleness. Marriage and singleness are both gifts from God. That’s why he says in verse 11: “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.” And again, in verse 12: “The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Marriage and singleness are both gifts from God. It all depends on one’s calling from God. The apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7: “It is good for a man not to marry. 2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband…. I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” (1 Corinthians 7:1-2, 6-7)

So, what are we to make of this gift of singleness? Some singles would say: “If singleness is a gift, where do I return it? Where’s my gift receipt? How do I give this thing back?” But if you are not happy with being single, that is probably a good indication that God has not given you the gift of singleness. You just happen to be single at this time in your life. But either way – whether singleness is a life-calling or you just happen to be single, God is still in control, and that means that God has called you to be single at least for this season. And that means that you have some unique opportunities to serve Christ while you are single.

Some Christian singles are able to give more time to ministry in the church, others to world-changing prayer. Some are able to go off on mission trips or take on more risky or uncomfortable assignments because they are single. When I was single, I served as youth pastor at a church in Burbank, California. They couldn’t really pay me, so I left the apartment where I was living and moved into the church. I slept in a Sunday School room, cooked in the church kitchen, ate in the fellowship hall, and showered in the janitor’s closet! Those were great years of ministry! But I couldn’t do that now that I am married. I have responsibilities to my family. And I don’t think Rosi wants to shower in the janitor’s closet!

The Bible does not say that being single is better than being married, or that being married is better than being single. They are just different. They are different callings with different sets of responsibilities and opportunities. All I am saying is this: whether you feel called to be single for the long-term or not, realize that you have some unique opportunities for ministry while you are single. So, ask God what he would have you to do. Once again, these could be some of the best years of ministry in your life.

The disciples put forth a negative view of both marriage and singleness. They thought that marriage might be too risky, and they viewed singleness as an unfortunate byproduct of that risk. Jesus tells them no. Marriage and singleness are both gifts from God, and therefore we should receive them as gifts from God.

CONCLUSION: Let me close with just a few words of encouragement for each of you here today. If you are single this morning, please know that God loves you. He has not forgotten you. He has a plan for you. I don’t know whether that plan involves marriage, but I do know that God is good, and your best way forward is to seek his kingdom first and trust him to take care of the rest.

If you are divorced this morning, please know that God loves you. He has not forgotten you. He has a plan for you. If your faith is in Christ, then your sins are forgiven. Your slate is wiped clean. Your best way forward is to seek his kingdom first and trust him to take care of the rest.

If you are married this morning and struggling in your marriage, please know that God loves you. He has not forgotten you. He has a plan for you. Pray for your marriage, put Christ first in your marriage, love your spouse, ask God to bring the healing that only he can bring.

Marriage is serious business with God. I like what David Platt says about God and marriage in his commentary on our passage today. He says: “The reason God is so serious in His Word about our marriage covenants with each other is because He is so serious about His marriage covenant with us…. Jesus is worthy of our praise because He is always forgiving and He is always faithful…. Unlike an earthly spouse, He will never commit adultery against you and He will never abandon you.” (Platt, David, Exalting Jesus in Matthew, kindle location 4856)

Marriage was created by God as a sacred, covenant relationship between a man and a woman based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness. It is a picture of Christ and his church. So, let’s be faithful in our marriages. Let us not give in to a culture of sexual unfaithfulness or divorce. Marriage and singleness are both good gifts from God. Let us receive them from God with thanksgiving, and let us use them for his glory.

© Ray Fowler

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