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Proverbs 31:10-31

INTRODUCTION: Our message series is called Famous Mothers in the Bible, and today we come to one of the most famous mothers of all. Today, we come to the Proverbs 31 woman, whom we will call “The Noble Mother.” Now, Proverbs casts her more in the role of the noble wife, but she is also presented as a mother, so I think it’s fair to call her a noble mother as well.

This poem about the noble woman is what we call an acrostic. There are 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabet and 22 verses in the poem. Each verse begins with a different letter of the Hebrew alphabet in the order that the letters appear in the alphabet. So, for example, if this poem were in English, the first verse would begin with the letter A, the second verse would begin with the letter B, the third verse would begin with the letter C, and so on.

There are other acrostics in the Bible. Psalm 119 is an acrostic, as are each of the first four chapters of Lamentations. There are others as well. Acrostics were used as an aid for memory, but they also formed a sense of completeness. You could say this poem describes the noble mother from A-Z.

This poem was traditionally recited by husbands and their children during Friday night supper at the beginning of the Sabbath day (Allen Ross; “Proverbs”; The Expositor’s Bible Commentaryp. 1128). It is a poem that is helpful for both men and women. It is helpful for women as they seek to be godly women, and it is helpful for men who are seeking a godly wife. It is a great passage for us all to study together on Mother’s Day. (Read Proverbs 31:10-12 and pray.)

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A lot of women have a love/hate relationship with the Proverbs 31 woman. It’s a beautiful picture, but they also feel it is an impossible goal. They say, “Nobody can fulfill all that! And what about the men? Don’t they get a special section of Scripture as well?”

Well, actually they do. The women have the Proverbs 31 woman, and the men have the Ephesians 5 man, where men are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. So, men are called to sacrifice for their wives as Jesus sacrificed himself for the church. Of course, we are all called to be like Jesus, men and women alike, and we all fall short. But it is good to know the target. As Henry David Thoreau wrote: “In the long run we hit only what we aim at. Therefore, though you should fail immediately, you had better aim high.”

Another reason women struggle with the Proverbs 31 woman is the cultural barriers. The Proverbs 31 woman sewed all her own clothing. Does that mean you should sew all your own clothing? No, of course not, it’s cultural. We need to understand the noble mother from Proverbs 31 in her own cultural setting first and then transfer those principles into our own culture. So, that’s a big part of what we will be doing today. We will be looking at the overall principles we can learn from the Proverbs 31 woman for our own lives today.

The poem introduces the main idea in verse 10: “A wife of noble character, who can find?” That tells us that this woman is a rare creature. Just as it is hard to find a man who exemplifies all the character traits of Jesus, it is hard to find a woman who exemplifies all the following traits. Once again, this is an ideal to aim for, not the reality that most of us live. However, it gives us a good list of things to measure ourselves against, so we can see where we are doing well, and where we might need to improve.

The poem goes on to give five characteristics of this ideal mother or wife. It speaks of her value, her work, her sacrifice, her character, and her defining trait—she is a woman who fears the Lord. Let’s look at all five in turn.

I. Her value (10-12)

First, the poem speaks of her value. Look at verses 10-12 with me now:

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (Prov. 31:10-12)

Here we learn three things about the noble woman’s value. 1) She is worth more than rubies. 2) She is trusted and faithful. 3) She brings good, not harm.

   A. Worth more than rubies (10)

First, she is worth more than rubies. This is high praise indeed. There are only two things the Bible describes as more valuable than rubies: wisdom and the noble wife. We read in Proverbs 3: “Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her” (Prov. 3:13-15). The noble woman stands in rare company.

   B. Trusted and faithful (11)

Secondly, she is trusted and faithful. “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” The word translated “confidence” here speaks of trust and security. And so, this verse speaks of the faithfulness of this woman and the confidence her husband places in her. Value leads to value. Because of this valuable trait in his wife, the husband lacks nothing of true value in his own life. There are few things more valuable in a relationship than trust and faithfulness.

   C. Brings good, not harm (12)

Thirdly, she brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life. This is her consistent mode of being. Day in and day out she brings blessing to her husband. Of course, none of us are perfect, but we want to maximize the good and minimize the harm.

And so, this is the first thing we learn about the noble mother. She is not only rare, but valuable. She is worth more than rubies. She is trusted and faithful. She brings good, not harm, all the days of her life.

II. Her work (13-18)

Next, the poem addresses her work. We find this in verses 13-18. Once again, there are some cultural matters presented in these verses, and we will work our way through that.

She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. (Prov. 31:13-18)

Here we learn three things about the noble woman’s work. 1) She is a willing and hard worker. 2) She is disciplined and discerning. 3) She is strong and productive.

   A. A willing and hard worker (13-14)

First, she is a willing and hard worker. “She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.” The word translated “selects” has to do with seeking, intentionality, persistence. The wool and flax represent the materials for both winter and summer clothing. She is a worker for all seasons.

She works with eager hands. That means she takes pride and delight in her work. She doesn’t resent the tasks set before her but finds pleasure in what she does. Like merchant ships from afar, her work is wide-ranging. She is willing to go the distance to provide for her home and family.

   B. Disciplined and discerning (15-16)

Secondly concerning her work, she is disciplined and discerning. She rises early to provide food for the family and portions for the servant girls. The “portions” in this verse refers not so much to portions of food but rather assigning tasks to others. The noble woman doesn’t try to do it all by herself. Rather, she wisely apportions the work in the home. Most mothers don’t have servant girls, but we have children, and we can assign them tasks as part of a functioning household.

The noble woman is discerning when it comes to the family finances. She makes wise financial decisions. She considers a field. She doesn’t go right out and buy it. She doesn’t buy the first thing she sees. She considers it. This reflects purposeful thought and careful planning. She not only buys the field, but she also plants a vineyard. This adds value to the field. The noble woman not only considers before she buys. She then seeks to get the most out of each purchase. She is disciplined and discerning.

   C. Strong and productive (17-18)

Thirdly, she is strong and productive. “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” Although this speaks primarily of physical strength and energy, it would also include emotional strength and stability. “Her trading is profitable.” We would say she is productive in all that she does.

When the poem says her lamp does not go out at night, that doesn’t mean she stays up late working. We’ve already seen that she gets up early. This more likely refers to foresight and wise planning. She ensures there is sufficient oil to keep the lamps burning into the night.

It’s at this point that a lot of women just give up. “I’m so tired of hearing about the Proverbs 31 woman! I get exhausted just reading about her. Nobody can do all these things!” Exactly. That’s the point. Remember, this is the ideal. There are two mistakes we can make with ideals. 1) We can dismiss them as impossible and not even try. Or 2) we try, we fail, and we get discouraged.

What you need to do instead is this. You hold the ideal high. You understand that you will fall short. You continue to do your best. And you ask God to help you grow in each of these areas. That goes for both the Proverbs 31 woman and the Ephesians 5 man. Remember, men are called to sacrifice like Jesus. That’s a hard ideal to live up to as well.

III. Her sacrifice (19-24)

Speaking of sacrifice, that’s our next trait. We’ve looked at the noble woman’s value and work. Now we come to her sacrifice. Look at verses 19-24. Once again there are some cultural things in these verses that we will unpack together.

In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. (Prov. 31:19-24)

Here we learn three things about the noble woman’s sacrifice. 1) She cares for the poor. 2) She provides for her family. 3) She helps and supports her husband.

   A. Cares for the poor (19-20)

First, she cares for the poor. She not only cares about her home but for those outside the home. She cares for the things God cares about. She cares for those who are in need. This takes sacrifice. The image of her hands and fingers actively sewing shows the personal labor she engages in for the benefit of others.

We can get so consumed with running our own home, that we can forget that God wants us to look outward as well. God wants us to serve and to sacrifice. It’s not all about our own home and our own kids. We need to care for others as well.

   B. Provides for her family (21-22)

Secondly, she provides for her family. “When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.” It doesn’t snow very often in Israel, but she is ready for the worst. She thinks ahead and prepares for every scenario. “Scarlet” probably refers to double-layered clothing rather than the color of the clothing. That would make more sense when referring to the winter cold and snow.

Notice that she also takes care of herself—both functionally (she makes coverings for the bed) and aesthetically. She dresses well and takes care of her appearance. Part of providing for your family is tending to your own needs as well. Because guess what? You’re part of the family! (Can I get any amen, ladies?)

   C. Helps and supports her husband (23-24)

Thirdly, she helps and supports her husband. Her husband is respected at the city gate. She also helps with the financial support of the family. You’ve probably heard the old phrase, “Behind every successful man, there is a woman.” I don’t know that I consider myself a successful man, at least not in the eyes of the world, but I’ll tell you this. Whatever I’ve achieved in life, I could never have done without the love and support of my wife, Rosi.

We read in Genesis 2:18: “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” God created the woman as a helper to the man. This means they are suited for each other. She is his life partner, and they are better together.

Moms, one of the best s you can do for your children is maintain a strong relationship with your husband. The marital bond comes first because it is the marital bond that nurtures and sustains the family bond with your children.

IV. Her character (25-29)

We’ve looked at the noble woman’s value, work and sacrifice. Now we come to her character. We see this in verses 25-29:

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” (Prov. 31:25-29)

We see three things about her character here. 1) She is an honorable woman of strong character. 2) She is known for her wisdom and kindness. And 3) this is not just an outward show for those in the community around her. She also has a good reputation at home.

   A. Strength and honor (25)

First, she is an honorable woman of strong character. “She is clothed with strength and dignity.” Strength and honor are closely tied to her identity. This is who she is. This is her character. We have already seen her physical strength as applied to hard work. Now we see her strength of character as well. Physical strength and energy are great, but what really matters is a person’s character.

“She can laugh at the days to come.” She is not afraid of the future or aging. She faces the future with confidence. This confidence ultimately comes from her trust in God, but it is all part of her strength of character.

   B. Wisdom and kindness (26)

Secondly, she is known for her wisdom and kindness. “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” The phrase “faithful instruction” comes from the Hebrew word chesed. This is a beautiful word used in Scripture for God’s covenant love and faithfulness toward us. It is often translated as “lovingkindness.”

The noble woman is known for her chesed—her lovingkindness toward others. Her instruction is never harsh but rather faithful, loving and kind. The Message paraphrases this verse: “When she speaks, she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.”

My wife, Rosi, did a wonderful job raising our boys and passed on so much spiritual insight and wisdom to them. Even as adults, my boys continue to seek her out for wisdom on various things. Whenever I need wisdom or insight for issues in my life, she is the first one I turn to. The noble woman is full of chesed—faithful instruction, wisdom and lovingkindness.

   C. Good reputation at home (27-29)

And then, finally, the noble woman has a good reputation at home. She watches over the affairs of the household. She has a reputation for hard work. Her children bless her, and her husband praises her. It’s one thing to have a good reputation at work or at church or in the community. But it’s your reputation at home that really matters, because those at home know you best.

Note the reappearance of the word “noble” here in verse 29. Her husband praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” This is the same word we saw at the beginning of the poem back in verse 10. It creates a bookend with the first verse of the poem, showing that this man has found his noble woman after all. In fact, not only has he found her, but she surpasses all the others.

Every husband should feel that way about his wife, and he should communicate it to her regularly. Husbands, how often do you praise and affirm your wives? Hopefully all year round, and not just with a card on Mother’s Day. (But don’t forget the card on Mother’s Day either!)

V. Her defining trait – she fears the Lord (30-31)

This section on character closes out the main description of the noble woman, but the acrostic continues showing that the final two verses not only continue but complete her description. The writer has one more thing to say before closing out his poem, and as you might expect, it’s the most important thing.

He has spoken of her value, her work, her sacrifice and her character. Finally, he speaks of her defining trait. Look at verses 30-31 in closing:

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Prov. 31:30-31)

Some women are known for their beauty. Others are known for their charm. But the defining trait for the noble mother is that she is a woman who fears the Lord. And that’s a good thing, because beauty is fleeting. It doesn’t last. Charm is deceptive. A woman’s charm may seem attractive at first, but it doesn’t provide the stability and security that come from a woman who loves, honors and respects God first in her life.

As the Bible says to women in 1 Peter: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment…. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:4-5).

This doesn’t mean that the woman should not take care of her appearance. We saw that earlier in the poem in verse 22. But that’s not where your main beauty comes from. True beauty comes from your love for God which displays itself in godly character and loving sacrifice for others.

God has rewards for the godly woman, mother and wife. Part of that reward comes from the praise of her family, but it won’t be confined to the family. And so, the poem moves from praise at home to praise at the city gate. The noble woman receives public acclaim. Her godly character now serves as a testimony to the wider community.

And then we’ve got one more bookend here. Remember we saw the earlier bookend with the word noble? We have one more bookend with this phrase “the fear of the Lord.” The book of Proverbs begins with the fear of the Lord in chapter one, and it ends with the fear of the Lord here in chapter thirty-one. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (Prov. 1:7). “A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Prov. 31:30). The fear of the Lord has been a major theme throughout the book of Proverbs, and this phrase appearing at the end interlocks the poem with the whole book of Proverbs.

CONCLUSION: So, let’s go back to the beginning of the poem and the beginning of our message today. Do you remember where we started? “A noble woman is hard to find.” I think you’ll agree this is a hard list for anyone to live up to.

For some, it is hard because they don’t agree with the list. They don’t live up to the ideal because they don’t even want to. They don’t agree with God’s word. They have set a different ideal for themselves.

For others, it is hard because it seems impossible to fulfill. It’s not that they disagree with these things. It’s just that they see it so far beyond themselves that they don’t even try.

For others, it is hard because they are trying to do these things in their own strength. They agree with the list, they try their best, but they find themselves constantly falling short. At least they are trying, but we need to remember that we can never do these things in our own strength.

So, how do we apply this poem in our lives? This is God’s ideal that he has set out for us in his word. Even though we may not live up to the ideal, we should still seek to emulate this woman in our lives. However, we need to look to God to give us the strength. If you try to do these things in your own strength, you will surely fail. A woman who fears the Lord will look to God’s ideal for her, and she will ask God to help her grow more and more into that ideal with the strength that God alone gives.

If you are a woman this morning, I encourage you to seek to emulate the Proverbs 31 woman in your own life. If you are a man, I encourage you to seek to emulate the Ephesians 5 man in your life. If you are single this morning, I encourage you to seek to be a godly man or woman in the place where God has you right now. If you are looking for marriage, I encourage you to seek a godly husband or wife. But remember, we all fall short, and so you are looking for a godly person, not a perfect person (or trust me, you will be looking a long time!).

There was only one perfect person who ever walked this planet. He is the one who loves you. He is the one who died for all your sins. He is the one who rose again from the dead. He is alive to help you as you seek to be a godly woman or man for him. His name is Jesus, and he is there for you today. Look to him, and he will help you with these things.

© Ray Fowler

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