Ten Steven Wright Jokes (5)

  1. I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.
  2. I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
  3. Sponges grow in the ocean. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.
  4. I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I’m gone.
  5. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
  6. For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier … I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
  7. I didn’t get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn’t see anything, but every now and then you’d hear this rumbling noise go by.
  8. When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.
  9. They say we’re 98% water. We’re that close to drowning. (Takes a drink from a glass of water.) I like to live on the edge.
  10. I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add to it.

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