Posts belonging to Category Singles

Christian Home Fixer Upper Messages

Here are the links to all the messages and outlines for the Christian Home Fixer Upper series. I pray God will use these messages to help you better understand God’s purpose and design for Christian home and family.

Christian Home Fixer Upper Series
(Click here for a PDF of all the sermon outlines for the series.)


A Mother’s Nurture and Care – 1 Thessalonians 2:6-9 (Mother’s Day)
Biblical Foundations of Marriage – Genesis 2:18-25
Biblical Roles in Marriage – Ephesians 5:22-33
Single-Minded for Christ – Matthew 6:31-34
What’s a Kid to Do? – Ephesians 6:1-3
A Father’s Motivation – 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12 (Father’s Day)
Spiritual Mismatch – 2 Corinthians 6:14-16; 1 Corinthians 7:12-16; 1 Peter 3:1-2
Open Hearts, Open Homes – Romans 12:9-13

Unemployment Prompts Large Increase in Living Together

Regular readers at this blog know that I get a steady stream of comments on my Living Together Before Marriage Series. Many of the comments come from people who agree in principle that living together before marriage is not right, but who then offer reasons why they feel it is okay for them. Now add a bad economy and unemployment to the list. From The Christian Post:

The number of unmarried couples living together rose 13 percent from the previous year, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

This year, there are 7.5 million opposite-sex unmarried couples living together – up from 6.7 million in 2009, reported the bureau on Thursday. The year before had witnessed a two percent drop after a five percent rise in co-habiting couples between 2007 and 2008.

Demographers say a poor job market is likely a factor in the rise of co-habiting couples in 2010.

According to 2010 data, unmarried couples who recently began living together usually have one partner unemployed. Only 49 percent of cohabiting couples this year are ones where both partners are employed. This figure is down from 59 percent in 2008 and 52 percent in 2009.

As I try to share with people in the comments section, if you will trust God and put Christ first in your situation, I believe God will always open up another option for you. If you or your boyfriend/girlfriend are unemployed: check with family, check with friends, check with your local church, and see what living arrangements you can find. But please don’t make the mistake of moving in together before marriage. You can read more about why in the articles below.

Living Together Before Marriage Series:
    ● Statistics on Living Together Before Marriage
    ● Scriptures on Living Together Before Marriage
    ● Living Together Without Sex
    ● What If We Already Lived Together Before Marriage?

Around the Web – 8/18/2010

  • The World’s Prayer Guide. The latest edition of Operation World spotlights a shifting global church. (Due out in October)
  • You and I Abstain .com. A dating service for singles who are committed to abstaining from sex until marriage.
  • All You Can Jet. Fly all you want for a month with Jet Blue’s $700 “All You Can Jet” deal.

Don’t Waste Your Sexuality

Josh Harris has some positive things to say to young men on the topic of “Don’t Waste Your Sexuality.”

(Video length: 2:54)

Don’t waste your sexuality … in just our modern world I think that most people would say that our sexuality is our own, it’s all about our own pleasure, our own desires. And yet when you realize that all of life belongs to God, it’s for God, it really transforms your view. And so I think to waste your sexuality is to think that it’s only about this moment, or it’s only about just satisfying an urge. But our sexuality is such a rich thing … as a single person your sexuality is telling you something. It’s telling you that marriage is a good thing, it’s driving you towards something.

And so I think about young men that I interact with, and you know, trying to be godly and holy when it comes to sex can feel like such a burden, like, “Does God have a bad sense of humor? He gives me all these desires and then he says, ‘But don’t do anything with it.'” And the truth is, no, he does call you to restrain yourself and to preserve yourself for marriage, and yet you are supposed to do something with it. And what you’re supposed to do with it is to allow that desire to drive you, to say first of all, “I’m going to get my life in gear. I need to get a job, I need to start working hard to be a man of maturity and spiritual insight and discernment so that I can lead a family, a wife …

And then you get married, and you realize that your sexuality and the joy of that in marriage is something that’s constantly bringing you back to intimacy, constantly driving you to the good work involved with preserving intimacy and just bonding a husband and wife together. All these [are] different ways that God uses this gift to fulfill his purposes and to direct us and guide us, and when we engage our sexuality for him, it becomes a beautiful thing. It has purpose … and it’s not just about trying to seek some greater and greater thrill.

Look at the emptimess of our pornography-saturated world, and just how it becomes more and more meaningless. It literally is wasted and poured out for nothing. And yet when you look at God’s plan, you see not only pleasure, but delight and purpose that ultimately points us back to the giver of that good gift.

eHarmony Will Provide Same-Sex Matches

The online dating service eHarmony will provide same-sex matches as part of a settlement from a lawsuit complaining that the company discriminated against same-sex singles.

The settlement is the result of a complaint New Jersey resident Eric McKinley filed against the online matchmaker in 2005. McKinley, 46, said he was shocked when he tried to sign up for the dating site but couldn’t get past the first screen because there was no option for men seeking men …

Neither the company nor its founder, Neil Clark Warren, acknowledged any liability. Under the settlement, eHarmony will pay New Jersey state division $50,000 to cover administrative costs and will pay McKinley $5,000 … Pasadena, Calif.-based eHarmony said it plans to launch its new service, called Compatible Partners, on March 31 …

Theodore B. Olson, an attorney for eHarmony, said that even though the company believed McKinley’s complaint was “an unfair characterization of our business,” it chose to settle because of the unpredictable nature of litigation.

I don’t see why this is discrimination. If a person walks into McDonald’s, orders a hamburger and is denied service because he is gay, that is discrimination. But if the same person is turned away because he orders steak, that is not discrimination. It is simply not on the menu. The same conditions apply to every person who walks through the door.

eHarmony is a private company offering a specific service: the matching of compatible men and women for relationships based on years of research on male/female relationships. As long as they provide this service to all men and women equally, it is not discrimination. Mr. McKinley was not turned down because he was gay. He was turned down because he asked for a service that eHarmony did not provide. eHarmony also does not provide compatible matches for nannies, nurses and college roommates. Should their company be sued for that?

I don’t understand why a private company like eHarmony which provides a specific service of matching compatible men and women should be required to expand their service to match same-sex couples. Surely there are other online dating companies that provide this service. And of course it works the other way. A dating company that caters to same-sex couples should not be forced to expand their services to include male/female matches. I think this whole case sets a dangerous precedent.

So, what do you think of all this? Is this a case of discrimination? Should eHarmony be required to provide same-sex matches?

Related post: Statistics on Living Together Before Marriage

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Living Together Before Marriage Series

Here are links to all four posts in the Living Together Before Marriage series:

New Temptation for Senior Adults

I found this Lifeway article interesting on the new temptation for senior adults to live together outside of marriage.

In 2007, the “Boomer Generation” officially retires. This is the year that people who were born in the 1950’s are eligible to retire from work. The truth of the matter is that the population of America is growing older and this is changing the landscape of our communities and our churches.

One disturbing trend is the number of “senior adults” who are living together and in turn, being sexually active. Recent reports tell us that “the majority of HIV carriers will be over the age of 50 by 2015, and that even now about 15 percent of new infections occurs in this age group.” (Sex Ed for Seniors; US News and World Report; August 13/August 20, 2007)

Many pastors have also reported that the most disturbing trend in their aging church is the number of couples who are living together. In today’s society we might expect that this number is increasing, but what is interesting is that the majority of these couples are over the age of 55. Many senior couples are living together for financial reasons. Although they want the benefit of companionship, whether made single by death or divorce, many decide that they simply do not want to get remarried.

As a pastor I can testify that this is increasingly becoming a problem. Whereas “living together” used to be a temptation more directed at the young and single, it is becoming just as big a temptation for the older and single.

The Lifeway article recommends that churches take the following four steps in addressing this situation:

  1. Preach and teach God’s design for loving relationships.
  2. Develop a small accountability group for seniors.
  3. Help seniors find alternative avenues.
  4. Confront in love and support unconditionally.


The Pros and Cons of Online Dating Services

Covenant Life Church recently put together a paper on the subject of online dating for the single men and women in their church. I like the paper’s opening line: “Don’t you wish it was as easy for you as it was for Adam and Eve?”

The paper identifies some of the benefits of online dating sites:

  • Interaction with a much larger group of singles
  • Can evaluate a potential date before meeting face-to-face
  • Many participants are interested in a serious relationship
  • Positive examples of couples who met and got married,

as well as some concerns to consider:

  • Expensive – from $30-$50/month
  • Time-consuming – can distract from other priorities
  • False hope – very few relationships actually end in marriage
  • Safety issues – potential predators, liars, con-men/women
  • Potential compromise – in the areas of values, standards or beliefs
  • Self-focus – can reinforce self-focused view of relationships
  • Loss of protection from church community – You lose the benefit of dating someone known by others you trust.

What are your thoughts on online dating? Have you or people you know had positive or negative experiences with online dating sites? What did people do before the internet?

HT: Between Two Worlds

Married or Single For Better or For Worse

Here is an interesting take on marriage and singleness from John Piper:

I don’t know which holds out more joys and more hardships. There is no way to know ahead of time, it seems to me. We Christians don’t make our choices that way anyway. This would be clear if all singles not only heard the wedding vows, “For better or for worse,” but also heard the same words written over singleness: “For better or for worse.” Marriage may prove to be gloriously happy, or painfully disappointing. Singleness may prove to be gloriously satisfying or painfully disappointing. Only God knows which it will be for you.

I remember a “Mad About You” TV episode where the wife, Jaime, is particularly frustrated with her husband, Paul. She calls up her friend on the phone and asks her: “Fran, remind me again why I hate to be single.”

I would say marriage and singleness both present a combination of joys and sorrows in life. (See the article Riding the Rails of Life in Marriage earlier in this blog.) We often think of the marriage vows in terms of “for better or for worse.” I like Piper’s extension of that to serving God in the state of singleness as well.