Thoughts on God and life from a Christian perspective
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Here are links to all four posts in the Living Together Before Marriage series:
Living Together Before Marriage Series:
● Statistics on Living Together Before Marriage
● Scriptures on Living Together Before Marriage
● Living Together Without Sex
● What If We Already Lived Together Before Marriage?
This is the third post in a series on living together before marriage. The first post presented statistics which demonstrate a high correlation between living together before marriage and undesirable outcomes. The second post presented various Scriptures which prohibit living together before marriage.
Many of the Bible verses in the second post assumed that couples who live together are also sexually involved. That is usually a fair assumption, but what about those rarer cases where a couple lives together but is not sexually active? Is it okay for a couple to live together if they don’t have sex? For example, how about the couple that moves in together for financial reasons but chooses to abstain from sex until marriage?
Well, I would applaud the decision to abstain sexually until marriage, but there are still good reasons not to live together before marriage. Let me share with you three.
After reading these posts, someone might ask, “What if we already lived together before marriage?” Is it too late for us? Is there anything we can do to make it right?” That will be the subject of the next and final post in the series.
Check out the other posts in the Living Together Before Marriage series:
● Statistics on Living Together Before Marriage
● Scriptures on Living Together Before Marriage
● Living Together Without Sex
● What If We Already Lived Together Before Marriage?
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Living Together Before Marriage Series:
● Statistics on Living Together Before Marriage
● Scriptures on Living Together Before Marriage
● Living Together Without Sex
● What If We Already Lived Together Before Marriage?
“The honeymoon was over before the wedding day ever arrived.” (See the testimony below.) Last month I posted some statistics on living together before marriage. Since then I have received a number of inquiries as to what the Bible says about living together. So in this post I would like to share some of the Biblical teaching about living together before marriage.
The statistics in last month’s post showed a high correlation between living together and undesirable outcomes. This should not be surprising, because the Bible has some strong things to say about living together. God is a loving God, and he gives us his commands for our protection. Those who choose not to live together before marriage will likely avoid many of the negative outcomes described in the earlier post. Here are some Scriptures on living together before marriage:
You will notice from these Bible verses that I am assuming couples who live together are also sexually involved. And I think in most cases that’s a pretty fair assumption. I will address the (much rarer) situation of couples who live together but are not sexually active in a later post. But let me end this post by sharing the testimony of a young woman that I think effectively sums up some of the major problems of living together before marriage.
I wish I could tell every young adult in America that you truly will reap what you sow. Living together may seem wonderful initially … but eventually it creates more problems than you can imagine. I lived with my boyfriend for two years before we got married. I knew I was breaking my parents’ hearts, as well as my Heavenly Father’s heart! My boyfriend was not a Christian, but I figured I could change him if we moved in together.
The “this-is-yours, that-is-mine” mentality that enabled us to “successfully” live together completely unraveled once we got married. We had become too separate and selfish, making it nearly impossible to become “one flesh.” The honeymoon was over before the wedding day ever arrived. (Excerpt from letter printed in “Family Feedback,” Focus on the Family, May 1994, p.23)
Do you have any thoughts or response to all this? Feel free to share them in the comments.
Check out the other posts in the Living Together Before Marriage series:
● Statistics on Living Together Before Marriage
● Scriptures on Living Together Before Marriage
● Living Together Without Sex
● What If We Already Lived Together Before Marriage?
____________________________________________________________
Did you find this post helpful? Click to subscribe by email or feed reader so that you don’t miss any future posts.
I found this Lifeway article interesting on the new temptation for senior adults to live together outside of marriage.
In 2007, the “Boomer Generation” officially retires. This is the year that people who were born in the 1950’s are eligible to retire from work. The truth of the matter is that the population of America is growing older and this is changing the landscape of our communities and our churches.
One disturbing trend is the number of “senior adults” who are living together and in turn, being sexually active. Recent reports tell us that “the majority of HIV carriers will be over the age of 50 by 2015, and that even now about 15 percent of new infections occurs in this age group.” (Sex Ed for Seniors; US News and World Report; August 13/August 20, 2007)
Many pastors have also reported that the most disturbing trend in their aging church is the number of couples who are living together. In today’s society we might expect that this number is increasing, but what is interesting is that the majority of these couples are over the age of 55. Many senior couples are living together for financial reasons. Although they want the benefit of companionship, whether made single by death or divorce, many decide that they simply do not want to get remarried.
As a pastor I can testify that this is increasingly becoming a problem. Whereas “living together” used to be a temptation more directed at the young and single, it is becoming just as big a temptation for the older and single.
The Lifeway article recommends that churches take the following four steps in addressing this situation:
HT: MMI
The Dallas Morning News recently conducted a Q&A with Mark Regnerus, associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas in Austin. Regnerus helped lead a multi-year research project on teens, religion and sex, the results of which appear in his new book, Forbidden Fruit: Sex and Religion in the Lives of American Teens.
Here are some excerpts:
One of the arguments in your book is that religion makes a difference in the lives of American teens. What difference does religion make?
Simply being Presbyterian or Catholic or evangelical is not as important as internalizing the faith. Kids for whom Christianity is a central identity – not just another aspect of their lives – tend to make more thoughtful and mature decisions about sex. But this is rarer than most people think: Less than 10 percent of all youth do this.
In the book, you write about surprising findings concerning evangelical teens. What were they?
Evangelical teens express conservative attitudes about sex, but they are very average in their actual behavior. Why? Because evangelical kids live in two worlds. The new world tells them to value career, self-fulfillment, happiness and entertainment – and this is what adults and parents model for them. But the old world – to which evangelicals still pay deference – values keeping commitments, God, marriage and delaying pleasure.
Most American kids only live in the new world. Evangelicals still inhabit both. The result is conflict and compromise: old world values but new world actions.
Parents and adults, did you get that? Unless we model what we believe, our teens are less likely to follow through on what they believe. We teach with our lives as much if not more than with our words.
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