Living Together Before Marriage Series:
● Statistics on Living Together Before Marriage
● Scriptures on Living Together Before Marriage
● Living Together Without Sex
● What If We Already Lived Together Before Marriage?
“The honeymoon was over before the wedding day ever arrived.” (See the testimony below.) Last month I posted some statistics on living together before marriage. Since then I have received a number of inquiries as to what the Bible says about living together. So in this post I would like to share some of the Biblical teaching about living together before marriage.
The statistics in last month’s post showed a high correlation between living together and undesirable outcomes. This should not be surprising, because the Bible has some strong things to say about living together. God is a loving God, and he gives us his commands for our protection. Those who choose not to live together before marriage will likely avoid many of the negative outcomes described in the earlier post. Here are some Scriptures on living together before marriage:
- Proverbs 14:12 – “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” This Scripture stands against the arguments, “Everyone is doing it. It’s the new way. It’s accepted in society.” That may all be true, but just because a path seems right doesn’t make it so.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1,5 – “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven … a time to embrace and a time to refrain.” As the following Scriptures indicate, the right time for living together is after marriage — not the year before, not the month before, not the night before. There is a time to embrace, and a time to refrain.
- 1 Corinthians 6:18 – “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” Living together almost always involves premarital sex. By living together before marriage, you dishonor both yourself and your partner.
- 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 – “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” This isn’t the place to get into why Paul recommends singleness over marriage in this particular passage. However, it is important to note that the Bible encourages a couple that is struggling with sexual temptation to marry rather than burn with passion. Of course, this assumes a couple that is ready for marriage. I recommend that all couples get good premarital counseling from a pastor or Christian counselor before getting married.
- Galatians 6:7-8 – “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” Although the original word in the Greek means “to sneer or to scorn,” the English word “mock” is instructive when it comes to living together. “To mock” means “to imitate, to pretend in order to deceive.” You can’t do that to God without consequences, and you can’t do that with marriage. Living together is literally a mockery or imitation of marriage in that it does not require a public commitment or lifetime vow of faithfulness.
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 – “It is God’s will that you should … avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.” To “wrong” someone in this verse means “to exceed the proper limits.” To “take advantage” means “to defraud, or to take more than you’re entitled to.” It is the picture of someone who takes more than they should while selfishly disregarding the best interests of others. When we live together, we exceed the limits God has set for us. We take more than we’re entitled to.
- Hebrews 13:4 – “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” The marriage bed can only be kept pure when the sexual relationship is kept within marriage. Anything else brings God’s judgment. Do you love your partner? Then why would you invite God’s judgment into their life? Why would you willfully rob them of God’s blessing?
You will notice from these Bible verses that I am assuming couples who live together are also sexually involved. And I think in most cases that’s a pretty fair assumption. I will address the (much rarer) situation of couples who live together but are not sexually active in a later post. But let me end this post by sharing the testimony of a young woman that I think effectively sums up some of the major problems of living together before marriage.
I wish I could tell every young adult in America that you truly will reap what you sow. Living together may seem wonderful initially … but eventually it creates more problems than you can imagine. I lived with my boyfriend for two years before we got married. I knew I was breaking my parents’ hearts, as well as my Heavenly Father’s heart! My boyfriend was not a Christian, but I figured I could change him if we moved in together.
The “this-is-yours, that-is-mine” mentality that enabled us to “successfully” live together completely unraveled once we got married. We had become too separate and selfish, making it nearly impossible to become “one flesh.” The honeymoon was over before the wedding day ever arrived. (Excerpt from letter printed in “Family Feedback,” Focus on the Family, May 1994, p.23)
Do you have any thoughts or response to all this? Feel free to share them in the comments.
Check out the other posts in the Living Together Before Marriage series:
● Statistics on Living Together Before Marriage
● Scriptures on Living Together Before Marriage
● Living Together Without Sex
● What If We Already Lived Together Before Marriage?
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