Comments on: 20 Minutes to Change Your Marriage

By: 10 Ways To Do Your Husband Good at Ray Fowler .org

10 Ways To Do Your Husband Good at Ray Fowler .org — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 13:08:00 +0000

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By: Deb

Deb — Fri, 08 May 2009 13:16:33 +0000

Bethany, this definitely cuts both ways. And John and I often find ourselves in the same position as you and Stephen (but with John as “you” and me as “Stephen”). How each couple manages this difference in needs will be unique, and hopefully fair to both.

I think THAT is where the success in marriage happens. Not just the willingness to ask and listen to what is important to the other person, but to also be up-front about what is important to you (not just brooding because your spouse isn’t a mind-reader).

Then comes the effort to be as honest and fair as possible in addressing the important points of BOTH people. Accepting that neither will have his/her needs met 100% of the time, but giving the other the benefit of the doubt that he/she is doing his/her best… and of course, doing your best as well.

By: Bethany

Bethany — Fri, 08 May 2009 10:44:06 +0000

We wives can also ask our husbands but I think we need to choose a different set of 20 minute time slots. We tried this and the result is, one of us needs quiet and space and the other one needs a hug/kiss and an “I love you”. Alternate days perhaps?

By: Sharon Gamble

Sharon Gamble — Thu, 07 May 2009 20:38:05 +0000

Deb – I LOVE variety!! Here I am, wanting to chat and loving the talking and there you are saying…just some quiet, please. Not right or wrong…just delightfully different! I guess it makes us truly discover what makes our spouse tick. It is definitely not “one size fits all”.

By: Ray Fowler

Ray Fowler — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:25:42 +0000

Deb – Thanks for the reminder to us husbands that we need to ask our own wives what will most bless them (and not assume that we already know!).

By: Deb

Deb — Thu, 07 May 2009 16:50:28 +0000

Upon further reflection, the “silence & space” rule also applies to the 5 minutes before I fall asleep.

But I’m not a total bear. I like my hug goodbye before I leave for work.

By: Deb

Deb — Thu, 07 May 2009 16:42:28 +0000

Because you should also have a not-your-typical-woman response…

“The 5 minutes when you walk in the door after work” — SILENCE and SPACE.

Of course, since John works from home, my perspective is one of *me* walking in the door and him already home. One of the surest ways to set me off is to jump on me with all kinds of details, questions, comments, etc. when I first get home.

The same would apply to “the first 5 minutes when you wake up in the morning”. Marriage goes much more smoothly if I am just left entirely alone at those times.

By: Sharon Gamble

Sharon Gamble — Thu, 07 May 2009 01:19:37 +0000

Things that bless me: During those little five minute time slots, I like it when I have my husband’s full attention – He is looking at me, listening to me, remembering to ask me about things that happened during the day, and totally engaged in the conversation. He is also great at speaking words of encouragement to me, telling me how special I am to him and how much he values our relationship. He says I love you many times each day and thanks me for things I do for him. He tells me he is blessed and he can’t imagine a better wife. No wonder I like him! (and love him, too, of course.)

By: Ray Fowler

Ray Fowler — Thu, 07 May 2009 00:55:06 +0000

Margaret – That’s so sweet! Thanks for sharing — anyone else?

By: Margaret

Margaret — Wed, 06 May 2009 13:13:50 +0000

OK, guess I’ll go first with this! Those twenty minutes, for us, usually involve a kiss and maybe a hug, and if one of us is going off in the car, the other stands and waves at the window. Just little gestures, but we are affirming our love and caring for each other.

Here’s another one that only takes a moment, but means a lot, – thanking each other for simple things, such as doing vegetables, or preparing fruit salad, etc. etc. etc.

We hold hands and pray together before meals, thanking Him for food and health, and remembering any people who need special prayer.

Plenty more, but I’ll stop there. Hey, our marriage has lasted over 53 years and going strong. Litte things are very important, and I believe our faith in God is a huge part of our bonding together. Thank you, Lord.