Comments on: Living Together Before Marriage Series

By: Vicky

Vicky — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 04:51:45 +0000

I really hope I get a response…I’ve been praying for the answer to this. My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost 8 years. We have a beautiful 1 year old little girl. He is divorced and had a bad exprience with marriage and we agreed when we started dating that marriage was just a piece of paper. We’ve had are problems like any other couple, but we love eachother so much and have been there for eachother through thick and thin. The birth of our daughter has literally been “heaven sent”. Her birth had us both searching for the “truth”. We want to raise her with morals and strong family values. The “Truth” I found lead us to Jesus Christ. We are now ready to put Jesus in our relationship and build a marriage on his fondation. Our wedding is taking place in 3 months. My boyfriend thinks we should get married legally first since we are living together and have the wedding ceremony…but I dont want to do that. I want the ceremony date to be the “real” wedding since I consider the religous ceremony more imporatant. I want for when the minister says “I now pronounce you husband & wife” , I want that to be real…not me thinking, oh, we already are. What should I do? I’ve prayed about it and said that I would do what God wants. I feel like we dont have to rush to a court house and get married then have a wedding ceremony 3 months later…that its ok since we have our intentions and our hearts in the right place. …… Comments???

By: GUNNY HARTMAN

GUNNY HARTMAN — Tue, 03 May 2011 01:39:25 +0000

Ray wrote: “The issue here is not whether someone is sinning before they marry. We all sin in many ways. The question is one of repentance.”

Well said, brother, and a distinction that is often neglected.

It’s always good to touch base, my friend. Keep up the good work.

By: Ray Fowler

Ray Fowler — Tue, 03 May 2011 00:48:37 +0000

Gunny – Good to hear from you. Thanks for logging in with your thoughts.

By: Ray Fowler

Ray Fowler — Tue, 03 May 2011 00:36:42 +0000

Sharon – These are tough questions that churches and pastors are wrestling with in today’s culture. I encourage couples who are living together to move apart before marriage, and if that is absolutely not possible, then to make a commitment to abstinence and get married sooner rather than later. We want to encourage people to do the right thing and getting married rather than living together is the right thing.

The issue here is not whether someone is sinning before they marry. We all sin in many ways. The question is one of repentance. Are we actively turning away from sin in our lives, or are we actively choosing sin? If a couple is actively choosing sin, they should not ask the church to affirm their choice. If they are actively choosing obedience to God by getting married rather than living together, then we want to affirm that.

P.S. Thank you for your ministry to young couples in your church. I think you are doing a wonderful thing in mentoring them.

By: GUNNY HARTMAN

GUNNY HARTMAN — Tue, 03 May 2011 00:30:06 +0000

Sharon, I fear such situations are on the rise.

My free pastoral counsel (remember, you get what you pay for) would be along the following lines …

Are they professing Christians? Are they members of your church?

If they are professing Christians, they should be a part of some church somewhere. Regardless of where, that church should lovingly discipline them for unrepentant sin (in this case, fornication).

Assuming Matt 18 is followed and they remain unrepentant, not only should the church not perform the wedding ceremony, the church should excommunicate them and with them no longer associate (cf. 1 Cor 5).

If they’re non-Christians, we’re not to judge those outside the church, but those inside. As an aside, I don’t perform marriage ceremonies for those outside the church, but that’s a different issue all together.

P.S. You’re never being legalistic in holding professing believers to the standards of conduct outlined in Scripture, injecting human standards, however, is something else entirely.

By: sharon

sharon — Sun, 01 May 2011 20:48:31 +0000

My husband and I have been married for 42 years and are mentoring young couples who plan to be married in our church. We are getting so many couples who are living together. There is a lot of information to give them about this but what if they choose to continue to live in this arrangement before the wedding date? Should the church marry them? Should it be required of them to live apart for a period of time before the wedding? As you can tell by the many years we have been married, this seems a no brainer but it is amazing the opposition we receive from others. Are we being legalistic? Are we acknowledging other sins that couples, who are not living together, come before the altar with as of lesser importance? Scripture is our foundation for all decisions. Can you back your answer with scripture?

By: Ray Fowler

Ray Fowler — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 14:28:07 +0000

Tasha – It sounds like you have made some mistakes but you are learning from them and most important of all are seeking God first now. Thank God for the forgiveness we have in Christ, and may God bless you as you wait on his perfect will for your life.

By: Tasha

Tasha — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 01:27:41 +0000

I realize this article was written in 2008 and I might not get a response but I will share my story anyway. I was living with my boyfriend but before we moved in together we had broken up and he came to my mom’s house and asked me about marriage and I agreed. He then said ok, we’re going to move in together and go from there….although the holy spirit was telling me don’t do it, to get my own place and we could still date. I didn’t listen and moved in with him. The first two months were fine and then it was like all hell broke loose. I cried every day, I felt guilty, I was depressed. I felt like I was literally dying. There was no unity, he wouldn’t go to church with me and then I found myself missing church because he didn’t go, I had my bills and he had his, we fought over money. It was just an ugly situation, and to make a long story short I left. I knew nothing good was going to become of us in that situation and I also knew it wasn’t right when he told me that we couldn’t go from dating,living together and being engaged and then back to dating. I told him we didn’t have to call off the engagment but I had to move that it wasn’t right and we were also having sex so that just really piled on the guilt for me (but not for him). GOD had already told me NO!!! to living together unmarried but I went with what I wanted to do anyway and paid dearly. I don’t recommend any couple moving in together before marriage. GOD had spoken to me so clearly but I didn’t listen. This happened last year June 2010 and up until now I struggled with did I do the right thing? I thought I had made a mistake, like I shouldn’t have left but that was just the devil trying to make me go back to living in sin. I see now I was and still am on point. I’m trusting and waiting on GOD to send the right person for me, who will understand were I stand in Christ and will respect me and my decisions and who will also be GOD fearing.

By: Marriage and Cohabitation in the United States at Ray Fowler .org

Marriage and Cohabitation in the United States at Ray Fowler .org — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 20:18:56 +0000

[...] Living Together Before Marriage Series: ● Statistics on Living Together Before Marriage ● Scriptures on Living Together Before Marriage ● Living Together Without Sex ● What If We Already Lived Together Before Marriage? var addthis_pub = 'RnRFowler'; var addthis_language = 'en';var addthis_options = 'email, favorites, digg, delicious, myspace, google, facebook, reddit, live, more'; « Stop Praying! [...]

By: Scriptures on Living Together Before Marriage at Ray Fowler .org

Scriptures on Living Together Before Marriage at Ray Fowler .org — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 01:57:21 +0000

[...] posts. You can also check out the Top Posts page to get a feel for the site. Thanks for visiting! Living Together Before Marriage Series: ● Statistics on Living Together Before Marriage ● Scriptures on [...]