Christian religions refuse to believe most anything that contradicts their beliefs and or the “Bible”. Indeed my mother whom I’m convince was subconsciosly enjoying erotic sexual feelings which she repressed so she thought for the incestual taboos regarding it I’m certain felt obedient to her religious morals and Biblical commands all the while she spanked me. Most good parents who suffer from sexual spanking fetishes MUST separate in their minds sexual feelings they may have about spanking from their children. Sadly the their subconscious sexual needs motivate them and their social and relgious norms consciously reward them when they spank. So the cycle of ignorant covert unconscious and in some instances “conscious” sexual abuse passes from one generation to another. Is this a common occurance? No, but do a small percentage of children suffer adult sexual abuse symptoms for child spanking, yes. I believe in discipline which includes some punishment for children but NEVER spanking. I share an excellent lay person’s resource from a professional sexual and mental health expert to explain how this ignorant sexual abuse happens:

I’ve referenced a fairly new book publication by a very impressive clinical
sexolgy practitioner. It’s underpinnings are academic and scientific but it
was written for the lay person. Titled, “Regression A Universal Experience”
Copyrighted 2003

The author, Averil Marie Doyle is a Clinical Supervisor for the American
Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, The American Board of Sexology,
and the American Board of Sex Educators, Councelors, and Therapists.

But I’ll share just a few passages from the authors book to make my point that
adult spanking exchanges are OK but anyone who is using those same acts on their
children is risking altering their childs sexuality, and in doing so is taking
away potentially their childs freedom to develope their own sexuality freely.

I quote Dr. Doyle’s book,

“Regression is a strange and disquieting experience. It is like reliving the
past, through the perceptions and feelings of oneself as a child. All of us
have had experiences from infancy through adolescence that we have been unable
to integrate. At a preconscious level, the memory of those experiences still
actively affects our thoughts and behaviors…Distortions and overreaction
characterize the responses of the regressed person, who becomes childlike in a
flood of confused feelings and sensations…These regressive sensations are
often linked to physical touch, sensuality, and eroticism….As infants, we
associate closeness, warmth, and touch with being cared for or loved. Touch and
closeness can also be associated with fear and abuse. This occurs when infants
are mishandled by their caregivers or when infants mispercieve the connection
between caregivers and sensations of pain and pleasure they might experience in
the presence of caregivers. Warmth and closeness can thus be linked or
associated with fear,abuse,and pain. Infantile sensations of genital pleasure
and pain create memory traces long before cognitive memories are formed.”

“Sexual regression is not behign. There is little doubt that regression caused
by erotic assault experiences, whether actual or percieved as such by the
regression bearer, has significant and deleterious effect on psychosexual
development.”

“Many unintented teachings are set in motion when rough handling, discipline, or
corporal punishment is utilized in child rearing. Unfortuntately, parents, and
caregivers are often unaware of the deleterious impact their behavior has upon
the developing child.”

1) You must establish clear and reasonable rules from the beginning that everyone understands. The 8 Family Rules are one example.

2) You should explain what will happen when rules are broken. Perhaps a warning the first time, and then a consequence, and then a stronger consequence for repeated disobedience.

3) You must be consistent! Without consistency, the whole thing falls apart. If you allow rules to be broken without consequences, then all the rules will be viewed as optional. If you only follow up some of the time, then the children won’t know what to expect when they misbehave.

Of course all acts of discipline, whether physical or non-physical, should be followed up with loving affirmation of the child as outlined in step 4 of the post above. I hope that helps, and all the best. Keep me posted on how things are going.

“Please feel free to interact using the comments section. You do not have to be a Christian or agree with a post in order to comment. I just ask that everyone respect each other in the comments and tell us what you think!”

Becca – I am sorry you were subjected to a verbal attack on my blog. I delete inappropriate comments as soon as I find them, but I was sleeping when this one came through. Thank you for your clear, clean, and direct response above.