Comments on: 8 Great Family Rules to Help Any Home http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/ Thoughts on God and life from a Christian perspective Tue, 02 Dec 2008 22:33:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.2 By: Ray Fowler http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-3460 Ray Fowler Wed, 23 Jan 2008 20:08:14 +0000 http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-3460 <b>Lynn</b> - Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the challenges of any marriage is the coming together of two people from two different family backgrounds. Many marriages struggle with the two parents having different views on discipline in the home. Of course, it is an even bigger challenge when it is two families with previous children coming together and trying to work out these issues. I agree with you that consistency is key. It is very difficult for children to keep having to adjust to different sets of expectations. I think it is important enough that you should keep talking to your husband about this in hopes of establishing some types of rules for the home. Without knowing what the rules are in the ex-spouse's home, I don't know if that is a good place to start. But I would encourage you and your husband to start somewhere. Perhaps some of the rules from the list in this post could get you started. I hope that helps. Does anybody else have any suggestions? Lynn - Thank you for sharing your situation. One of the challenges of any marriage is the coming together of two people from two different family backgrounds. Many marriages struggle with the two parents having different views on discipline in the home. Of course, it is an even bigger challenge when it is two families with previous children coming together and trying to work out these issues.

I agree with you that consistency is key. It is very difficult for children to keep having to adjust to different sets of expectations. I think it is important enough that you should keep talking to your husband about this in hopes of establishing some types of rules for the home.

Without knowing what the rules are in the ex-spouse’s home, I don’t know if that is a good place to start. But I would encourage you and your husband to start somewhere. Perhaps some of the rules from the list in this post could get you started.

I hope that helps. Does anybody else have any suggestions?

]]> By: Lynn Puetz http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-3454 Lynn Puetz Wed, 23 Jan 2008 18:23:37 +0000 http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-3454 My husband and I both had children before we were married and this is a constant struggle for us. Our children 10 and 4 have grown up very differently. My husband's 10 year old has rules at his mother's house that differ from the rules at our house. My four year old has been raised in a strict household where listening doing what he was told and manners have been the main focus. Separately they are terrific children both unique and special in their own ways yet when they are together our home turns into a free-for-all. They fight they scream they don’t listen the list is just never ending. What was a peaceful quiet environment becomes a battle zone. My husband's reaction to this is just that they are kids and that they will grow out of it and that they themselves need to find a way to live together. Yet I can't help to think that the upheaval that takes place when our children are together is unraveling 4 solid years of strict discipline for my 4 year old. My husband has made it very clear that he doesn’t want to impose rules on his 10 year old because he doesn’t feel that it is necessary since he is not often in our home. There has to be a place where we can meet in the middle. I have suggested on numerous occasions that my husband needs to sit down with his x-wife and review the rules she has in her home. Hoping that we could then apply those same rules to our home. My thoughts on this was that it would provided constituency for his son between the two of our homes and be a stepping stone to creating rules for our own home. This has yet to happen and after almost three years of marriage to a man I love more than anything I am left with no answers and a problem that continues to grow. My husband's need to not be the bad guy has left me in a constant state of refereeing our two children when they are together. Does anyone have any suggestions? My husband and I both had children before we were married and this is a constant struggle for us. Our children 10 and 4 have grown up very differently. My husband’s 10 year old has rules at his mother’s house that differ from the rules at our house. My four year old has been raised in a strict household where listening doing what he was told and manners have been the main focus. Separately they are terrific children both unique and special in their own ways yet when they are together our home turns into a free-for-all. They fight they scream they don’t listen the list is just never ending. What was a peaceful quiet environment becomes a battle zone. My husband’s reaction to this is just that they are kids and that they will grow out of it and that they themselves need to find a way to live together. Yet I can’t help to think that the upheaval that takes place when our children are together is unraveling 4 solid years of strict discipline for my 4 year old. My husband has made it very clear that he doesn’t want to impose rules on his 10 year old because he doesn’t feel that it is necessary since he is not often in our home. There has to be a place where we can meet in the middle. I have suggested on numerous occasions that my husband needs to sit down with his x-wife and review the rules she has in her home. Hoping that we could then apply those same rules to our home. My thoughts on this was that it would provided constituency for his son between the two of our homes and be a stepping stone to creating rules for our own home. This has yet to happen and after almost three years of marriage to a man I love more than anything I am left with no answers and a problem that continues to grow. My husband’s need to not be the bad guy has left me in a constant state of refereeing our two children when they are together. Does anyone have any suggestions?

]]> By: Top 20 Posts for 2007 - Year in Review at Ray Fowler .org http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-2847 Top 20 Posts for 2007 - Year in Review at Ray Fowler .org Thu, 27 Dec 2007 15:21:40 +0000 http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-2847 [...] 8 Great Family Rules to Help Any Home [...] […] 8 Great Family Rules to Help Any Home […]

]]> By: Faith Church Blog » Blog Archive » Family Rules http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-972 Faith Church Blog » Blog Archive » Family Rules Fri, 15 Jun 2007 19:28:38 +0000 http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-972 [...] Well, HERE is a more general set of Family Rules (don’t skip the comments). [...] […] Well, HERE is a more general set of Family Rules (don’t skip the comments). […]

]]> By: Ray Fowler http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-946 Ray Fowler Thu, 14 Jun 2007 11:25:45 +0000 http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-946 Nath (Nathan?), Congratulations on an important milestone. It's been a long time since we have had a one-year-old in the house. Those are great days, and yes, it does go fast! All the best, Ray Nath (Nathan?),

Congratulations on an important milestone. It’s been a long time since we have had a one-year-old in the house. Those are great days, and yes, it does go fast!

All the best,
Ray

]]> By: Nath @ Reformed Geek http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-945 Nath @ Reformed Geek Thu, 14 Jun 2007 05:19:14 +0000 http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-945 Our first child is just about to turn one (I can't believe how fast it has gone), so we don't have any rules as yet. These suggestions are really helpful in setting up own family rules...thanks. Our first child is just about to turn one (I can’t believe how fast it has gone), so we don’t have any rules as yet. These suggestions are really helpful in setting up own family rules…thanks.

]]> By: Ray Fowler http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-939 Ray Fowler Tue, 12 Jun 2007 21:41:34 +0000 http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-939 Sharon, Leslie and John, Great comments - thanks! Anyone else? Sharon, Leslie and John,

Great comments - thanks!

Anyone else?

]]> By: John http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-938 John Tue, 12 Jun 2007 16:11:37 +0000 http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-938 In my family (kids aged 7, 5, and 3) we use three rules: 1. Obey quickly. 2. Always tell the truth. 3. Don't hurt your siblings or anyone else on purpose. It's not perfect, but they were easy for the kids to remember when they were younger. In my family (kids aged 7, 5, and 3) we use three rules:

1. Obey quickly.
2. Always tell the truth.
3. Don’t hurt your siblings or anyone else on purpose.

It’s not perfect, but they were easy for the kids to remember when they were younger.

]]> By: Leslie http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-936 Leslie Tue, 12 Jun 2007 14:35:10 +0000 http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-936 It's also very important, in the case for young children, to keep the number of rules to a minimum. 8 is a good number. Too many rules and no one can remember them all. Too many rules and no one is having any fun, either. Our family rules are very similar to yours. My real struggle comes with enforcing the rules and being consistent. It’s also very important, in the case for young children, to keep the number of rules to a minimum. 8 is a good number. Too many rules and no one can remember them all. Too many rules and no one is having any fun, either.

Our family rules are very similar to yours. My real struggle comes with enforcing the rules and being consistent.

]]> By: Sharon Gamble http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-935 Sharon Gamble Tue, 12 Jun 2007 12:00:15 +0000 http://www.rayfowler.org/2007/06/12/eight-great-family-rules-to-help-any-home/#comment-935 Here are some of ours: For husband and wife, talk about any expenditure over an agreed upon amount with the other. Honor your commitments in the order they were made. When explaining an argument with a sibling, explain what YOU did wrong,not what they did wrong. We had two kids, so one daughter got to "win" on the odd days of the month (the 1st, 3rd, 5th, etc.) and the other daughter got to "win" on the even days. "Whose day is it?" became a common phrase in our house and solved a multitude of dilemmas from who got to pray at mealtimes (they both wanted to) and who got to use the family car (big surprise here - they both wanted to) I'd love to hear other family rules, too! I agree, Ray! Rules make it easier to know what is expected and to understand what is valued in the home. Here are some of ours: For husband and wife, talk about any expenditure over an agreed upon amount with the other. Honor your commitments in the order they were made. When explaining an argument with a sibling, explain what YOU did wrong,not what they did wrong. We had two kids, so one daughter got to “win” on the odd days of the month (the 1st, 3rd, 5th, etc.) and the other daughter got to “win” on the even days. “Whose day is it?” became a common phrase in our house and solved a multitude of dilemmas from who got to pray at mealtimes (they both wanted to) and who got to use the family car (big surprise here - they both wanted to) I’d love to hear other family rules, too!

I agree, Ray! Rules make it easier to know what is expected and to understand what is valued in the home.

]]>